Okay, I have been shamed by some of my followers who said they are jonesing for a post. So here we go. It's the day before Christmas Eve and the Hanukkah season(did I spell that right?) is underway. I'm going to try to catch you up on whats been going down here on the mountain. One day it was Fall and with absolutely no warning the next day it was winter! None of this fading in crap, just boom, Winter.
So I am sitting here with my "inexpensive" as opposed to "cheap" wine. I think there is about $0.50 cent difference. If it costs under $3.00 it's cheap. If it costs over $3.00 it is "inexpensive". I'm enjoying this stab you in the gut Pinot Grigio drinking it from a mason jar. Let me tell you, in mountain society a jelly jar is for everyday but a mason jar is upscale and only used for company. I figured this is a festive season so I'm breaking out the mason jars. Besides, after 2 glasses of this, you don't care what your drinking out of, the dog's water bowl would do just fine, except that I would have to fight off the dogs.
So I imagine that you all are frazzled now with the holiday season, relatives and decorations. We don't decorate for Christmas, because some of the Doos, no names mentioned, view ornaments and decorations as hanging toys and things to be knocked down and eaten. So instead, I make them wear antlers and Santa and elf hats to amuse me. I'm amused, not them. I really need to get a camera so I can share these moments of humiliation.
For those of you Yorkie fan you will be glad to hear that they are all back in sweaters, some pastel, none of them "manly' Most of them embarrassing. They still run up and down the porch barking like crazy. Sunny now considers them a dangerous threat. Okay, here is the story. One day when it was still fall. Sunny was out roaming and as he is want to do, he likes to go visit my neighbors on the porch and share any food they might be eating. So here he is on the porch and sharing a sandwich with David, one of the neighbors, and someone left their storm door unlatched and out piled two of the Yorkies and promply attached themselves to each of Sunny's ears. You never saw a dog exit a porch so fast. Luckily I was outside to observe it the look on his face was priceless. A dogs version of WTF! He came running home and now checks out the location of said Yorkies before he crosses the creek. I don't blame him Yorkie earrings are definitely not in fashion.
With pigs gone it seemed kind of dull here, but the Lord provides. We have a new neighbor who is a complete asshole. He is a Yankee transplant from a suburb or city. He has provided us with a lot of entertainment and I will be writing about him in the coming blogs.
Well, the pot of pintos I have been cooking are ready, Yum, and I need a refill of wine. So bless you all and I will be posting soon. I miss ya'll too. So have a great Christmas don't get too drunk and fall into the tree. Don't feed your dogs turkey it gives them gas you wouldn't believe.
Life in the Blue Ridge mountains of GA. As seen through the eyes of a pack of Dalmatians and their person.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Taliban Yorkies and Sunfire the TPD
Wow, I didn't realize that it has been so long since I posted. But we will definitely make up for it in this post. For all you Yorkie fans you will get a double dose this post. But first, Sunfire has earned his TPD (toilet paper dog). I was sitting here vegging as usual surfing sites when I happen to look up and see that my house has been redecorated reminiscent of a Halloween TPing. It was amazing, it went from one of the bathrooms to the living room, into and out of my bedroom and ended in the dining room. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my house layout, it is like a great room with a bedroom off of it. The great room consists of a kitchen, dining area, office area and living room. There are 2 bathrooms, one off the great room and the other in my bedroom Of course there was no dog in site. When I started using expletives and cuss words they all appeared. Looking very innocent I might add. As a side note, that is some strong toilet paper, I can't figure out how if it's so strong how come I always stick my finger through multiple layers. Okay, back to the "innocent" dogs. They are all looking at each other like "what is she mad about, hey, I like the new decor, very dog friendly". I say, "who did this" I'd drop over if one of them actually said, " well, I guess I'll confess, it was me". In true dog fashion they just looked at me with their heads cocked. I said, "well I guess the bad dog has visited once again". I assume they agreed because they all left. Okay, a day later same thing only this time it just went from the bathroom to the dining room. Again, no dog in sight. I was in the other bathroom at that time. I figured it was useless to ask who did it, so I just started rewinding. I was making a point of making sure the bathroom doors were closed and watching for any suspicious activity. My next encounter with the undercover toilet paper runner was again, I looked up and saw a trail of paper towels this time. Aha! a clue at last. The paper towels sit at the back of the counter and Mira, Siren and Lotto are all to short to reach them. Sunny was exonerated because he had been in the bedroom with the door closed sleeping. That left Riggins and Sunfire. I looked at both of them and put small cookies on the back of the counter. Riggins was jumping trying to get them and Sunfire just easily snarfed both of them up. Okay, I had a culprit, not to mention that he had a small fluff of paper on one of his whiskers. I told him that I was watching him, you know the signal, your first two fingers pointing to your eyes and them at other person. Sunfire isn't very good at taking hints, but to date he hasn't gotten any more TP or paper towels. Of course I have moved the paper towels to the top of the refrigerator. I expect it is only a matter of time before he can get on top of the refrigerator. His father, Sunny is an expert refrigerator top cruiser, which is why I don't store the bread up there anymore.
Alright Yorkie fans, here we go. First, I think I told you that there was another Yorkie who joined the group. His name is Scooter. Scooter is going to rescue. No crying! He will be going with a great rescuer that I personally know. He already has a new home where he will be an only dog and live with a lady who carries her dogs around in purses. We know the kind, they have a big purse and if you get within 15 feet of it it starts growling and snapping. These people always give you a look at you as if you tried to strangle their pocket pup. I've thought about it but never have actually done it. She recently lost her other Yorkie. It went to that Yorkie heaven in the sky. Yorkies and toy dogs don't go to the Rainbow Bridge because the big dogs would eat them. I guess if you are a very bad little dog (or cat) you go to the bridge and are given a 30 second start.
There is an amendment to the Scooter Story. Scooter will not be going to Rescue, He will be going back to his mama. He will still be an only dog and one of those Foo-Foo dog that gets carried in a purse. He will still be an only dog so there is no competition for peeing on walls and furniture for him. BUT, Scooter was neutered,. Hey, that rhymes!. Scooter thought they said tutored so he went along happily. Now he's walking a little funny with his back legs. So RIP Scooters balls and here is to a good life with your mama the other Yorkies are glad to see you go.
Alright Yorkie fans, here we go. First, I think I told you that there was another Yorkie who joined the group. His name is Scooter. Scooter is going to rescue. No crying! He will be going with a great rescuer that I personally know. He already has a new home where he will be an only dog and live with a lady who carries her dogs around in purses. We know the kind, they have a big purse and if you get within 15 feet of it it starts growling and snapping. These people always give you a look at you as if you tried to strangle their pocket pup. I've thought about it but never have actually done it. She recently lost her other Yorkie. It went to that Yorkie heaven in the sky. Yorkies and toy dogs don't go to the Rainbow Bridge because the big dogs would eat them. I guess if you are a very bad little dog (or cat) you go to the bridge and are given a 30 second start.
There is an amendment to the Scooter Story. Scooter will not be going to Rescue, He will be going back to his mama. He will still be an only dog and one of those Foo-Foo dog that gets carried in a purse. He will still be an only dog so there is no competition for peeing on walls and furniture for him. BUT, Scooter was neutered,. Hey, that rhymes!. Scooter thought they said tutored so he went along happily. Now he's walking a little funny with his back legs. So RIP Scooters balls and here is to a good life with your mama the other Yorkies are glad to see you go.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Welcome to the wonderful world of fogeydom
This is it, I've finally reached the high point of life. This is referred to as becoming an old fart, fogey old goat or as I heard someone describe members of my generation as the "locust generation". Anyway, I've officially arrived. Up to this point I considered myself a senior and I thought that was it. WRONG! So you ask, what's the difference, unless you are there too. Big difference and when you get there you know it. The transition point for me was when I realized that I had turkey neck arms, turkey neck neck and all on the same day I bought a Grabber. That was the final turning point. It's a great little tool. They advertise them on TV. It's about 3' long with a pistol grip thing and suction cups on the other end. You press the trigger and the suction cup close in on anything and you can lock them down to move around things. I bought it because I had a burnt out light bulb and after all these years I'm going to heed my doctors advice and stay off of ladders and step stools. This is after spraining, straining, bruising, cracking and breaking several parts of my body while falling off of various step ladders.
Okay, back to the Grabber. I brought it home and was amazed that it actually worked. I changed the light bulb. As a point of rebellion I used a regular bulb, not one of the Obama bulbs. I'd like to screw him into a socket, but that's a different subject. Of course now that I had used it, I decided to check it out and play with it. I opened the refrigerator, pulled stuff out, put it back, went around the house picking things up and putting them down. I decided to expand my talents and used it to pick up dog cookies and feed the Doos. They were a little skeptical at first but seeing as it contained food they basically said "to hell with it" and ate the cookies.
That's when the devil in me came out and I grabbed Mira by the ass. She couldn't figure out what was grabbing her but she put a lot of distance between her and the evil Grabber. I made a game out of goosing them with it. I thought it was funny as hell but they didn't agree. Lotto being the other old fart in the house looked at the Grabber and then looked at me and growled. That was enough, I know she is serious. I've seen her kick Sunny's ass and I have no doubt she would place that grabber where the sun doesn't shine. I'm thinking of getting a second one to pick up dog shit.
I've realized that being and official old coot comes with some perks. For example I can do granny farts, long and loud ones. This is the act of farting as you walk, usually several farts and keeping in step with the shuffle rhythm. Personally, I've always enjoyed a good fart. One of my favorite things to do to my husband(s) is to fart when in a crowd and then give a dirty look or say "Geez" or something similar. I've even done that to Sunny but he just smiled and wagged his tail and took credit. Yesterday I made a plate of nachos which had a lot of beans and peppers in it. Last night when we were in bed I cut loose with a few and even Lotto, the original fart queen, couldn't deal with it, she gave me dirty looks and went to Sunny's crate. I've always suspected that Sunny was somewhat of an aficionado of farts. He just stayed in bed and took over Lottos spot.
Some of the other perks are being able to dress weird or say what you want and people just chalk it up to being old and accept it. Damn that's fun. Earlier this week I went to town and had on a pair of red seersucker plaid shorts. Of course on me they came to my knees and a blue "Summer of 2011" t-shirt on without a bra. So that means means not only were my shorts to my knees but my boobs were too. I had a pair of bright purple flip flops on. I wasn't quite the "people of Walmart" but I was damn close. Being an old goat gets the reaction of most people call you "sweetheart" and helping you carry stuff. Old age is great. I never knew that all my life when I helped old people that they were scamming on us and really playing the old coot card.
Finally, it's okay to be as eccentric as you want and it's just chalked up as old. Actually, I've always been eccentric, ask my sister, she knows she's eccentric too. I have decided to be a nudest at home. the dogs don't mind, they're nudists too. So if you don't want see me without clothes let me know your coming. I went to see my doctor (actually my nurse practitioner) and found out that I am now 4' 11". I used to be 5' 1 1/2". When you are short, that extra 1/2 inch is important. Just like if you ask a kid how old they are, they always add that fraction on the end. Somehow between then and now I lost a couple of inches. Unfortunately, I kept the pounds. My newest endeavor is studying shamanism. The Indians called them medicine men. The name doesn't matter, the subject is the same. So if you come to visit without calling, you may be able to catch me dancing in the nude in the moonlight with leaves on my head, my grabber in my hand and turkey feathers up my ass. How's that for a visual! Til next time
Okay, back to the Grabber. I brought it home and was amazed that it actually worked. I changed the light bulb. As a point of rebellion I used a regular bulb, not one of the Obama bulbs. I'd like to screw him into a socket, but that's a different subject. Of course now that I had used it, I decided to check it out and play with it. I opened the refrigerator, pulled stuff out, put it back, went around the house picking things up and putting them down. I decided to expand my talents and used it to pick up dog cookies and feed the Doos. They were a little skeptical at first but seeing as it contained food they basically said "to hell with it" and ate the cookies.
That's when the devil in me came out and I grabbed Mira by the ass. She couldn't figure out what was grabbing her but she put a lot of distance between her and the evil Grabber. I made a game out of goosing them with it. I thought it was funny as hell but they didn't agree. Lotto being the other old fart in the house looked at the Grabber and then looked at me and growled. That was enough, I know she is serious. I've seen her kick Sunny's ass and I have no doubt she would place that grabber where the sun doesn't shine. I'm thinking of getting a second one to pick up dog shit.
I've realized that being and official old coot comes with some perks. For example I can do granny farts, long and loud ones. This is the act of farting as you walk, usually several farts and keeping in step with the shuffle rhythm. Personally, I've always enjoyed a good fart. One of my favorite things to do to my husband(s) is to fart when in a crowd and then give a dirty look or say "Geez" or something similar. I've even done that to Sunny but he just smiled and wagged his tail and took credit. Yesterday I made a plate of nachos which had a lot of beans and peppers in it. Last night when we were in bed I cut loose with a few and even Lotto, the original fart queen, couldn't deal with it, she gave me dirty looks and went to Sunny's crate. I've always suspected that Sunny was somewhat of an aficionado of farts. He just stayed in bed and took over Lottos spot.
Some of the other perks are being able to dress weird or say what you want and people just chalk it up to being old and accept it. Damn that's fun. Earlier this week I went to town and had on a pair of red seersucker plaid shorts. Of course on me they came to my knees and a blue "Summer of 2011" t-shirt on without a bra. So that means means not only were my shorts to my knees but my boobs were too. I had a pair of bright purple flip flops on. I wasn't quite the "people of Walmart" but I was damn close. Being an old goat gets the reaction of most people call you "sweetheart" and helping you carry stuff. Old age is great. I never knew that all my life when I helped old people that they were scamming on us and really playing the old coot card.
Finally, it's okay to be as eccentric as you want and it's just chalked up as old. Actually, I've always been eccentric, ask my sister, she knows she's eccentric too. I have decided to be a nudest at home. the dogs don't mind, they're nudists too. So if you don't want see me without clothes let me know your coming. I went to see my doctor (actually my nurse practitioner) and found out that I am now 4' 11". I used to be 5' 1 1/2". When you are short, that extra 1/2 inch is important. Just like if you ask a kid how old they are, they always add that fraction on the end. Somehow between then and now I lost a couple of inches. Unfortunately, I kept the pounds. My newest endeavor is studying shamanism. The Indians called them medicine men. The name doesn't matter, the subject is the same. So if you come to visit without calling, you may be able to catch me dancing in the nude in the moonlight with leaves on my head, my grabber in my hand and turkey feathers up my ass. How's that for a visual! Til next time
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
.......and the rabbit done died!
Life around here just keeps getting funner and funner! The weather has been intolerable. As Mathew Broderick said in Biloxi Blues, "This is hot, this is Africa hot, Tarzan couldn’t stand this hot! Let me tell you how hot it is, the Yorkies won't come outside to bark. Of course they are Yorkies, have a lot of hair, are very short and could drown in a shallow puddle and wouldn't want to get their ribbons wet. Nothing stops the Doos from running amok, except of course rain. God forbid they should get a paw wet! I've told them over and over that they have nothing to worry about, they aren't sugar which would melt but poop floats. I didn't use the word poop but I'm trying to watch my language. I think I heard Mira bark a "bad word".
We had a death in the neighborhood. I told you that besides Yorkies and the big lab, the neighbors have rabbits and none of them are neutered so they have an ever changing population. Well I heard from Donny that one of the rabbits kicked the bucket. It was one of the older rabbits I was kind of hoping it was that bad tempered one that throws her dish. She's a real Diva or so she thinks. For crap sakes she is a RABBIT no rabbit is a Diva. Anyway, they had a funeral for the rabbit and buried it. They buried it on the hill on the side of my house which the little girl informed me is where they bury all the dead rabbits. Gee thanks!! My first thought was I wonder how long it will take one of the dogs to dig it up and drag it home. That what we really need on a hot humid day, a dead rotting rabbit, yeah that’s the ticket!
I always let the second shift out in the morning after Sunny and Lotto have been out tooling around peeing on everything and crapping in the neighbor’s yard. I know, I know, but they bury dead animals in my yard!! There is some sense of justice. So anyway the second shift goes out. This is comprised of Riggins, Siren, Mira and Sunfire. Usually Riggins comes right back and starts tattling on the other dogs. He is such a butt kisser! Today he didn’t and I stepped out on the front porch and see him and Sunfire and Mira all looking at Siren who has something and is eating it. I take a good look (they are about 30’ away). I put on my glasses like that was going to help. I saw something white and furry and just knew it was a rabbit. I went back inside and put on some clothes and by this time the dead thing had changed owners and Sunfire had it. I managed to call him to me and of course he ignored me so I went up to him and the battle began. It was indeed a headless bunny. I don’t know why they insist on decapitating their kill but it must be some reason, it tastes best, they don’t want the thing to come alive again, it’s a religious thing, who knows. I saw that it was a good sized bunny but it was a domestic rabbit. I tried to wrestle the thing from Sunfire but he wasn’t giving it up he looked at me as if to say, get your own rabbit, this one is mine. He had quite a grip on it and I tried to pull his jaws apart and all he did was drool on my hand and bite down harder. I almost lost a finger on that. Then he took off with the rest of the pack behind him. I thought “oh great, they are going to play keep the dead rotting carcass away from mom” or better yet “pass the dead rotting carcass”. I finally grabbed him by the back of his neck and dragged him onto the front porch. I won’t delight you with all the gory details of the condition of the said rabbit. I decided if I was ever going to get that thing away from him I was going to have to suffocate him so I pinched off his nose and lips and waited for him to open his mouth and take a breathe and almost lost a hand the first time. Never one to say die (no pun intended) I tried it again and was quick enough to grab it when he took a breath. Okay, mission accomplished! I went and got all the wild beasts in their crates and took a pair of gloves picked up what was left of the bunny and double bagged it. I started to think. Okay now if this bunny died, what did it die of?? I went and looked at the rabbit and noticed a very large pair of balls attached to this rabbit. The one that died was a female. OOOkay. I took the rabbit over to the neighbors and asked if they were missing a rabbit. They said it was probably the one that died and then I told them that this was a boy. They went inside and OMG there was one missing, the big male!! All kind of thoughts were going through my head like how did the dog get inside, get the rabbit and get back out and knowing the Doos like I do there would have been carnage. After a short investigation they found that the cage wasn’t latched. This rabbit got out through the Yorkie doggy door and had plans to have a good time outside. As Dr King said, “Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I’m free at last!” Now the only thing this rabbit knew about dogs was that it was bigger than the little furry yappers, no worry. I can just see it, there he was grazing in the sweet fresh grass when he suddenly went to rabbit heaven via a white and black tornado. I believe the tornado’s name was Siren. Dogs won’t share their catch until they are done with it or the alpha dog wants it, so Siren is awarded the kill. Siren 1, rabbit 0. I was going to ask them why they don’t bury the dead rabbits on their own side of the creek, but I didn’t think this was a good time for it.
In other news, Riggins was awarded the “Stinker of the week” award. Usually Riggins is a pretty good guy. He likes to boss around Sunfire and sniff Mira a lot but he doesn’t usually get into too much trouble. He has a really important place in the pack as Sunny’s back up, second in charge and he helps get the food too. Well everybody has been getting on each others nerves with this heat and everybody being inside. I have a couple of flyswatters that I keep handy, to swat flies and dogs when I want their attention. Last week Sunny was loudly washing his woo-woo. It sounded like he was enjoying a meal from KFC. The slurping and licking was LOUD. Anyway, I said “Sunny, knock it off”. Of course he ignored me. His take on this is “this is my woo-woo and I’ll lick it all I want, you won’t lick it for me”. I took the flyswatter and swatted him on the butt with it. He turned very indignantly and gave me a low growl. Not the kind of he’s going to bite me growl, more the kind of how dare you swat me, I’m the king don’t you know that growl. I gave him another swat and he copped a very uppity attitude and went to lay down on my bed. I told you what a suck up Riggins is. If Sunny ever stops quickly, we’re going to be taking them both to the vet to get Riggins head removed from Sunny’s ass. Okay, fast forward about an hour. I’m sitting here working at the computer and in comes Riggins he has the flyswatter all chewed up with large pieces missing. He has this thing by the handle and come and drops it at my feet. I swear he was saying “guess you won’t be swatting any more dogs with this, will you”. What he didn’t know but quickly found out was that I had 2 flyswatters……
We had a death in the neighborhood. I told you that besides Yorkies and the big lab, the neighbors have rabbits and none of them are neutered so they have an ever changing population. Well I heard from Donny that one of the rabbits kicked the bucket. It was one of the older rabbits I was kind of hoping it was that bad tempered one that throws her dish. She's a real Diva or so she thinks. For crap sakes she is a RABBIT no rabbit is a Diva. Anyway, they had a funeral for the rabbit and buried it. They buried it on the hill on the side of my house which the little girl informed me is where they bury all the dead rabbits. Gee thanks!! My first thought was I wonder how long it will take one of the dogs to dig it up and drag it home. That what we really need on a hot humid day, a dead rotting rabbit, yeah that’s the ticket!
I always let the second shift out in the morning after Sunny and Lotto have been out tooling around peeing on everything and crapping in the neighbor’s yard. I know, I know, but they bury dead animals in my yard!! There is some sense of justice. So anyway the second shift goes out. This is comprised of Riggins, Siren, Mira and Sunfire. Usually Riggins comes right back and starts tattling on the other dogs. He is such a butt kisser! Today he didn’t and I stepped out on the front porch and see him and Sunfire and Mira all looking at Siren who has something and is eating it. I take a good look (they are about 30’ away). I put on my glasses like that was going to help. I saw something white and furry and just knew it was a rabbit. I went back inside and put on some clothes and by this time the dead thing had changed owners and Sunfire had it. I managed to call him to me and of course he ignored me so I went up to him and the battle began. It was indeed a headless bunny. I don’t know why they insist on decapitating their kill but it must be some reason, it tastes best, they don’t want the thing to come alive again, it’s a religious thing, who knows. I saw that it was a good sized bunny but it was a domestic rabbit. I tried to wrestle the thing from Sunfire but he wasn’t giving it up he looked at me as if to say, get your own rabbit, this one is mine. He had quite a grip on it and I tried to pull his jaws apart and all he did was drool on my hand and bite down harder. I almost lost a finger on that. Then he took off with the rest of the pack behind him. I thought “oh great, they are going to play keep the dead rotting carcass away from mom” or better yet “pass the dead rotting carcass”. I finally grabbed him by the back of his neck and dragged him onto the front porch. I won’t delight you with all the gory details of the condition of the said rabbit. I decided if I was ever going to get that thing away from him I was going to have to suffocate him so I pinched off his nose and lips and waited for him to open his mouth and take a breathe and almost lost a hand the first time. Never one to say die (no pun intended) I tried it again and was quick enough to grab it when he took a breath. Okay, mission accomplished! I went and got all the wild beasts in their crates and took a pair of gloves picked up what was left of the bunny and double bagged it. I started to think. Okay now if this bunny died, what did it die of?? I went and looked at the rabbit and noticed a very large pair of balls attached to this rabbit. The one that died was a female. OOOkay. I took the rabbit over to the neighbors and asked if they were missing a rabbit. They said it was probably the one that died and then I told them that this was a boy. They went inside and OMG there was one missing, the big male!! All kind of thoughts were going through my head like how did the dog get inside, get the rabbit and get back out and knowing the Doos like I do there would have been carnage. After a short investigation they found that the cage wasn’t latched. This rabbit got out through the Yorkie doggy door and had plans to have a good time outside. As Dr King said, “Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I’m free at last!” Now the only thing this rabbit knew about dogs was that it was bigger than the little furry yappers, no worry. I can just see it, there he was grazing in the sweet fresh grass when he suddenly went to rabbit heaven via a white and black tornado. I believe the tornado’s name was Siren. Dogs won’t share their catch until they are done with it or the alpha dog wants it, so Siren is awarded the kill. Siren 1, rabbit 0. I was going to ask them why they don’t bury the dead rabbits on their own side of the creek, but I didn’t think this was a good time for it.
In other news, Riggins was awarded the “Stinker of the week” award. Usually Riggins is a pretty good guy. He likes to boss around Sunfire and sniff Mira a lot but he doesn’t usually get into too much trouble. He has a really important place in the pack as Sunny’s back up, second in charge and he helps get the food too. Well everybody has been getting on each others nerves with this heat and everybody being inside. I have a couple of flyswatters that I keep handy, to swat flies and dogs when I want their attention. Last week Sunny was loudly washing his woo-woo. It sounded like he was enjoying a meal from KFC. The slurping and licking was LOUD. Anyway, I said “Sunny, knock it off”. Of course he ignored me. His take on this is “this is my woo-woo and I’ll lick it all I want, you won’t lick it for me”. I took the flyswatter and swatted him on the butt with it. He turned very indignantly and gave me a low growl. Not the kind of he’s going to bite me growl, more the kind of how dare you swat me, I’m the king don’t you know that growl. I gave him another swat and he copped a very uppity attitude and went to lay down on my bed. I told you what a suck up Riggins is. If Sunny ever stops quickly, we’re going to be taking them both to the vet to get Riggins head removed from Sunny’s ass. Okay, fast forward about an hour. I’m sitting here working at the computer and in comes Riggins he has the flyswatter all chewed up with large pieces missing. He has this thing by the handle and come and drops it at my feet. I swear he was saying “guess you won’t be swatting any more dogs with this, will you”. What he didn’t know but quickly found out was that I had 2 flyswatters……
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Summertime and the Dals are lazy... PLUS Yorkie news!!
Summertime has arrived here in the mountains and it's gorgeous. Average daily temp around 80. All the Doos are into the season and that means taking a lot of naps. If there was any square footage left on the screened in porch I'd be tempted to join them. Those of you familiar with dogs you know that a 10 pound dog can take up to a 3'x3' space. So knowing that, I am here to tell you that the average sized Dalmatian can use up a 4'x4' space. God forbid that one dog should touch another dog when sprawled out. When you have 6 of these critters that's more than the size of a porch So picture this, you know that Sunny and Sunfire can't be out at the same time so there are usually only 4 or 5 out on the porch and the other one or two sprawled out on my bed. They like to take as much room as possible. That includes laying full length (sometimes on back) with legs spread out in four directions, head extended as far as possible with tongue hanging out (hey that extra inch or two is important). In addition in an effort to use every square inch possible, both ears are extended to the sides, this is a favorite especially when laying on their backs. Of course I guess I could prevent this if I closed the doors and turned on the AC but the weather is beautiful, the porch is in the shade and screened and I have ceiling fans. I have found one way to get some porch space is go out there with cookies. This immediately gets their attention. Take a few cookie pieces and toss them inside which will get most if not all of them in frenzy to get a cookie. The first time I tried this, I didn't think it through very well, because now that I was out their in my chair, they came running back in and proceeded to mob me in my chair before going and spreading out like the swine flu. Okay, second time I did a little better, I opened the gate, so that when they went out they could just go and run for awhile. Well, that worked for about 10 minutes after which they decided that it was too hot and Hey, look their is mama!! So again I got mugged but this time by wet dogs. I finally gave up. They say that you have to be smarter than the dogs and I haven't mastered that one yet. I've concluded that I'll just be cranky and walk over them giving solid nudges and a lot of "Hey you, move!(s)". That actually works some time.
Okay, there is some Yorkie news. There is a new Yorkie! He came to live with the other 3 because his mom went to live in an apartment. This one is different, he is small like the littlest one, but he is a pure cinnamon color. He moved in thinking that he was going to rule the roost and the other 3 took care of that in a matter of minutes, Especially the big blond one! I also have to admit that one of them has fallen in love with me. It's hard to dislike anything that small that loves you. This affair started slowly by me going to visit the neighbors and of course all the Yorkies were raising hell. After I had been there a few minutes the littlest one, his name is Tate, came sniffing around and I just picked him up and started to idly pet him. I looked down and I saw a look of pure love in this dogs eyes. That is what I could see of his eyes with all that hair in front of his face. I should have quit there because when I got home all the Doos surrounded me and I got thorough sniff. Kind of like a fire hydrant in Central Park. A couple of them thought about peeing on me to mark me again but they got "the look" and decided it wasn't worth dying over. The next time I went out to pick up the mail, there was Tate on the porch, jumping up and down and wagging his tail as is to say "Hi, hi, I'm over here, come pick me up". Of course as I already admitted to not being smarter than a dog, I'd like to think I'm as smart as a dog but if you asked the Doos they would probably tell you "just go ahead and humor her, we go through this all the time". Anyway, the next time I was over at the neighbors, I just sat down and here was this furry little thing sitting on my foot and giving me adoring looks. I couldn't refuse so I picked him up again and he proceeded to snuggle under my neck and look at his daddy and mama is if to say, "look where I am". He even gave me a kiss, a little Yorkie kiss. His mama said that she was amazed, because he is the one who is very standoffish and more likely to bite. I think he realized I'm a kindred spirit, I'm very cranky and likely to bite also.
The new Yorkie tried to test me too. He is the same size as Tate but his face hair is clipped. Kind of giving him a little rat like face (with a big mouth!) I picked him up and he almost shit all over himself. I was holding him with one hand and had him face to face. Now as I've told ya'll
Talking about biting dogs, I mean you biting them, not the other way around. It's really important that dogs be taught that a kiss is a sign of affection. Your other alternative is to lick them, they understand that. That is usually going to leave you with a furry tongue and a dog who expects you to lick them. Kissing them is a much better choice. To a dog who hasn't been kissed they think you are trying to eat them. Can you imagine if you were swimming in the ocean and a Blue Whale swims up to you and opens it's mouth just as it gets to you. I guarantee that you will be all asshole and elbows trying to get away. It's not going to dawn on you that it is trying to kiss you. That's what dogs think when you first go to kiss them, "shit, this big thing is trying to eat me!!!!" Even tiny puppies will pull back the first couple of times it is kissed. Not being eaten is one of those instinct things I guess. The other thing that goes through their tiny puppy brains is that their mother is just sitting there and not protecting them. I know what they think, "hey mom, pay attention this huge fur less thing is trying to eat me and you're just sitting there". Of course you can do a huge amount of damage to a dogs trust if you approach them smiling and then bite them. My guess is the next person that goes to kiss them is in for a huge surprise!
Okay, there is some Yorkie news. There is a new Yorkie! He came to live with the other 3 because his mom went to live in an apartment. This one is different, he is small like the littlest one, but he is a pure cinnamon color. He moved in thinking that he was going to rule the roost and the other 3 took care of that in a matter of minutes, Especially the big blond one! I also have to admit that one of them has fallen in love with me. It's hard to dislike anything that small that loves you. This affair started slowly by me going to visit the neighbors and of course all the Yorkies were raising hell. After I had been there a few minutes the littlest one, his name is Tate, came sniffing around and I just picked him up and started to idly pet him. I looked down and I saw a look of pure love in this dogs eyes. That is what I could see of his eyes with all that hair in front of his face. I should have quit there because when I got home all the Doos surrounded me and I got thorough sniff. Kind of like a fire hydrant in Central Park. A couple of them thought about peeing on me to mark me again but they got "the look" and decided it wasn't worth dying over. The next time I went out to pick up the mail, there was Tate on the porch, jumping up and down and wagging his tail as is to say "Hi, hi, I'm over here, come pick me up". Of course as I already admitted to not being smarter than a dog, I'd like to think I'm as smart as a dog but if you asked the Doos they would probably tell you "just go ahead and humor her, we go through this all the time". Anyway, the next time I was over at the neighbors, I just sat down and here was this furry little thing sitting on my foot and giving me adoring looks. I couldn't refuse so I picked him up again and he proceeded to snuggle under my neck and look at his daddy and mama is if to say, "look where I am". He even gave me a kiss, a little Yorkie kiss. His mama said that she was amazed, because he is the one who is very standoffish and more likely to bite. I think he realized I'm a kindred spirit, I'm very cranky and likely to bite also.
The new Yorkie tried to test me too. He is the same size as Tate but his face hair is clipped. Kind of giving him a little rat like face (with a big mouth!) I picked him up and he almost shit all over himself. I was holding him with one hand and had him face to face. Now as I've told ya'll
Talking about biting dogs, I mean you biting them, not the other way around. It's really important that dogs be taught that a kiss is a sign of affection. Your other alternative is to lick them, they understand that. That is usually going to leave you with a furry tongue and a dog who expects you to lick them. Kissing them is a much better choice. To a dog who hasn't been kissed they think you are trying to eat them. Can you imagine if you were swimming in the ocean and a Blue Whale swims up to you and opens it's mouth just as it gets to you. I guarantee that you will be all asshole and elbows trying to get away. It's not going to dawn on you that it is trying to kiss you. That's what dogs think when you first go to kiss them, "shit, this big thing is trying to eat me!!!!" Even tiny puppies will pull back the first couple of times it is kissed. Not being eaten is one of those instinct things I guess. The other thing that goes through their tiny puppy brains is that their mother is just sitting there and not protecting them. I know what they think, "hey mom, pay attention this huge fur less thing is trying to eat me and you're just sitting there". Of course you can do a huge amount of damage to a dogs trust if you approach them smiling and then bite them. My guess is the next person that goes to kiss them is in for a huge surprise!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Whoop-de-doo It's Birthday time again!!
You know, having a bunch of dogs is like having a bunch of kids. It's always some one's birthday!! Today (6/19) is both Siren and Riggins birthday, they are littermates. Seven years ago, Lotto was seriously regretting having anything to do with Sunny. About this time (5:30 pm) she delivered her first pup. Lotto is not one of those super whelpers. She likes to take a nice break between puppies. At about 9:00 pm she delivered what I thought was her last pup. Wrong!!! At 2:00 am she delivered Riggins. He has always been a little different. He was a perfect little pup. And for the past 7 years he has been doing things on his own time. So today we have a double birthday and Father's day to boot!
Naturally this called for a party. Again no hats, although Sunny does enjoy wearing the occasional stylish hat. We actually had to have 2 parties because Sunny and Sunfire simply hate each other. So we had the Father's day party in the afternoon and the Birthday bash in the evening. We served our usual fare, big bowls of ice cold water, hot dogs and BIG cookies. It was a rather reserved event for us. But Sunny enjoyed it. He would have enjoyed it more if he could have beat up Sunfire! Sunfire didn't attend the Father's day party, but he did get treats. In the evening, we had our birthday party. Sunfire sang his long, loud version of the Wooo-Wooo song. Riggins joined in on that one, but they never did reach that perfect harmony. Siren, of course, danced her paws off and Mira joined her in her version of dancing which includes scooting across the floor. She tries her best, but Siren is the dancer in this family. Siren did her usual paw tapping and butt wiggling but because it was her birthday, she added a new step which was to get on her hind feet and wave her front paws in the air. I'm telling you that girl can DANCE. We celebrated with some chicken nuggets, ice cream and a group snuggle. Of course Sunny didn't attend this one, but he did share the treats too.
I'm getting too damn old to party like that. Lotto agreed, somewhere between the start and end of the Birthday party, she left and took some additional nuggets and went to lay on the bed. I wasn't far behind her. Oh, by the way, there has been a new development at the Yorkie house. There is a new Yorkie! Stay tuned for the next posting, hopefully this week. Same time, same blog, same dogs........
Naturally this called for a party. Again no hats, although Sunny does enjoy wearing the occasional stylish hat. We actually had to have 2 parties because Sunny and Sunfire simply hate each other. So we had the Father's day party in the afternoon and the Birthday bash in the evening. We served our usual fare, big bowls of ice cold water, hot dogs and BIG cookies. It was a rather reserved event for us. But Sunny enjoyed it. He would have enjoyed it more if he could have beat up Sunfire! Sunfire didn't attend the Father's day party, but he did get treats. In the evening, we had our birthday party. Sunfire sang his long, loud version of the Wooo-Wooo song. Riggins joined in on that one, but they never did reach that perfect harmony. Siren, of course, danced her paws off and Mira joined her in her version of dancing which includes scooting across the floor. She tries her best, but Siren is the dancer in this family. Siren did her usual paw tapping and butt wiggling but because it was her birthday, she added a new step which was to get on her hind feet and wave her front paws in the air. I'm telling you that girl can DANCE. We celebrated with some chicken nuggets, ice cream and a group snuggle. Of course Sunny didn't attend this one, but he did share the treats too.
I'm getting too damn old to party like that. Lotto agreed, somewhere between the start and end of the Birthday party, she left and took some additional nuggets and went to lay on the bed. I wasn't far behind her. Oh, by the way, there has been a new development at the Yorkie house. There is a new Yorkie! Stay tuned for the next posting, hopefully this week. Same time, same blog, same dogs........
Friday, June 10, 2011
Snack Sneaking Strategies....
I believe that the joy of snacking is enhanced by sneaking said snack as opposed to being given it. In other words, stuff tastes better if you steal it. This is something most dogs know and practice religiously. Now this isn't to say that they will turn down a snack if offered, but it's always better if you can get one when no one is looking, or in Mira's case, even if they are.
I heard a great snack story lately that involved my sister's dog Gracie. Now Gracie is a senior with a big ole smile and gentle ways. She also has penchant for watermelon. A while ago my sister, Mary Lou and her husband, Jerry, were sitting around eating some watermelon on a hot day. Being the generous person she is, Mary Lou offered Gracie a bite. Gracie took her up on it and took the whole slice and ate it. Now I think as opposed to being a steal the snack incident it was a lack of communication. Mary Lou, as with most dog owners, are not aware of the subtleties of dog manners. Now I know that when you offer a dog something, they just assume that the whole piece is for them. Try offering your dog a bite of your sandwich next time and see if he/she doesn't swallow your whole hand! It's not bad manners, just a dog's way of thinking.
One of my best dog/snack story took place years ago when my ex and I lived in San Diego. We had a back deck that had a jacuzzi installed in it. The top edge of the Jacuzzi was flush with the deck. We were having a cookout and one of the guests was sitting in the whirlpool and had her hand elevated so as not to get her hamburger wet. We also had an elderly Beagle who was a snack freak. The Beagle's name was Bagle. Well, Bagle saw this scene and a nonchalantly as possible cruised right by this woman, relieved her of her burger and kept on going. This lady didn't know what to do. Trying to keep from laughing too hard, we gave her another burger and put poor Bagle in the house. Bagel was a master at sneaking snacks. She could open up a refrigerator with either paw. Most dogs are either right pawed or left pawed kind of like humans. Now Bagel would not only steal snacks, she would hide or bury them in the house. One day I was on the phone and noticed the big pot my dead cactus had been in. Yes, I admit I killed it. Nobody told me they shouldn't be fertilized. Back to the story. Anyway, there was a piece of what appeared to be cling wrap sticking out of the planter. I took hold of the cling wrap and pulled and unearthed an almost full pound of bacon. Bagle was standing there giving me the stink eye as if to say, "get your own bacon". I wound up having to bungee cord the refrigerator door to keep her out of the frig when I wasn't at home.
The Doos also have their unique ways to steal food. Sunny's favorite thing to do with purloined goodies is to hide them under my butt or under the bed pillow. If I'm sitting down, he just takes whatever it is and starts to use his nose to stuff it under me. This works alright if it is a rawhide bone or something else. Works out for him, not so well with me. If it is a sandwich or something it doesn't work at all. Come to think about it, maybe it does work, I don't want back a sandwich that has been smushed by a dog nose and stuck on my butt so he usually just eats it in that case. He's pretty brazen about stealing from other dogs, except Lotto who will kick his ass if he looks cross eyed at her.
Speaking of Lotto, she is very tactful when it comes to me, she just sits there are give me the "big eyes". You know the look, the I'm so cute how can you resist me. Most of the time I can't. When it comes to all the other Doos she just casually walks up and relieves them of whatever they have and calmly walks off with it. Nobody messes with the queen. There have been times when I have passed out rawhide bones and the next thing I know, Lotto has all six. When ever she takes something of Sunny's, he comes to me and starts to bounce and whine. It's a particular sounding whine and he has knit his brows together and wants to lead me to Lotto and whatever goodie she stole from him. Of course it doesn't seem to matter to him that what got stolen was probably stolen from another dog. I usually just tell him to just go get it himself. Knowing full well that even he doesn't mess with Lotto.
Siren steals things and then hides them under her blanket in her crate and then she goes and lays in her crate trying to look innocent. Usually work too. Riggins is very quiet about stealing. He learned from Sunny how to counter cruise and even how to open the oven door, so God help you is you leave any leftovers in the oven, Riggins will have it! My tip off is that it is too quiet. I'll go in there and there is Riggins and/or Sunny with a large casserole dish on the floor and feasting off of it!
Mira on the other hand is very straightforward. She doesn't care if you are there or not. She has this, "that's mine, thank you" attitude. She will take something off my plate with me right there looking at it and as she snarfs it down she is looking like, "what? you want it back now". I have had the experience with her where I was eating a sandwich and saw Mira straight across eating her way to me! She has no shame or stress from doing a bad thing. She will do this to Sunny too. He can have a rawhide or anything else and she will walk right up and take it from him. If any of the other Doos did that he would tear them apart. Now I can hear some of you saying "you need to train that dog!". Listen, she is 6 going on 7 and believe me I have tried! But then we all know that Mira doesn't play by the rules. Especially with Yorkies or food.
My favorite though is Sunfire. He is a kind of grab and go guy. He's a big believer in the "bad dog theory". You can see him start to build up. He is looking at something, straight on, nothing subtle about this dog. then he just can't stand it anymore and he jumps, grabs,swallows and runs like hell. He has two things about him that make this a successful maneuver. First, he's fast as lightening and second, he could swallow an elephant whole. He heads straight for his crate and lays down and looks at me as if to say "what sandwich?" Now this heading for the crate is a genetic trait. Newt, Sunny's father is a very polite dog. When he senses that there is trouble lurking in the air, he heads for his crate. He does not want to be involved in trouble, he is a very good boy.. On the other hand, Sunny will do the bad thing and then head for his crate as if to say, "I know that I am going to get punished so I'll save you the effort and put myself away". Sunfire on the other hand puts a new spin on it. He speeds to his crate and then gives you the "what bad thing?"" look. Of course this is usually implied with some evidence on his muzzle such as crumbs. The look is usually followed by the "big eyes" meant to melt my heart. On occasion it works. Sunfire is only three and Sunny's son and it's very hard for him to be good for a long while. At the end of the day when I talk to all of them, when it comes Sunfire's turn we decide whether it has been a good or bad day for him. Either way, he lays his head in my lap and gives me that "I love you mom" look. Today was not a good day for Sunfire. He was bad in so many ways, I can't even count. But tomorrow is a brand new day and a new start for him. Yo9u gotta love those spots........
I heard a great snack story lately that involved my sister's dog Gracie. Now Gracie is a senior with a big ole smile and gentle ways. She also has penchant for watermelon. A while ago my sister, Mary Lou and her husband, Jerry, were sitting around eating some watermelon on a hot day. Being the generous person she is, Mary Lou offered Gracie a bite. Gracie took her up on it and took the whole slice and ate it. Now I think as opposed to being a steal the snack incident it was a lack of communication. Mary Lou, as with most dog owners, are not aware of the subtleties of dog manners. Now I know that when you offer a dog something, they just assume that the whole piece is for them. Try offering your dog a bite of your sandwich next time and see if he/she doesn't swallow your whole hand! It's not bad manners, just a dog's way of thinking.
One of my best dog/snack story took place years ago when my ex and I lived in San Diego. We had a back deck that had a jacuzzi installed in it. The top edge of the Jacuzzi was flush with the deck. We were having a cookout and one of the guests was sitting in the whirlpool and had her hand elevated so as not to get her hamburger wet. We also had an elderly Beagle who was a snack freak. The Beagle's name was Bagle. Well, Bagle saw this scene and a nonchalantly as possible cruised right by this woman, relieved her of her burger and kept on going. This lady didn't know what to do. Trying to keep from laughing too hard, we gave her another burger and put poor Bagle in the house. Bagel was a master at sneaking snacks. She could open up a refrigerator with either paw. Most dogs are either right pawed or left pawed kind of like humans. Now Bagel would not only steal snacks, she would hide or bury them in the house. One day I was on the phone and noticed the big pot my dead cactus had been in. Yes, I admit I killed it. Nobody told me they shouldn't be fertilized. Back to the story. Anyway, there was a piece of what appeared to be cling wrap sticking out of the planter. I took hold of the cling wrap and pulled and unearthed an almost full pound of bacon. Bagle was standing there giving me the stink eye as if to say, "get your own bacon". I wound up having to bungee cord the refrigerator door to keep her out of the frig when I wasn't at home.
The Doos also have their unique ways to steal food. Sunny's favorite thing to do with purloined goodies is to hide them under my butt or under the bed pillow. If I'm sitting down, he just takes whatever it is and starts to use his nose to stuff it under me. This works alright if it is a rawhide bone or something else. Works out for him, not so well with me. If it is a sandwich or something it doesn't work at all. Come to think about it, maybe it does work, I don't want back a sandwich that has been smushed by a dog nose and stuck on my butt so he usually just eats it in that case. He's pretty brazen about stealing from other dogs, except Lotto who will kick his ass if he looks cross eyed at her.
Speaking of Lotto, she is very tactful when it comes to me, she just sits there are give me the "big eyes". You know the look, the I'm so cute how can you resist me. Most of the time I can't. When it comes to all the other Doos she just casually walks up and relieves them of whatever they have and calmly walks off with it. Nobody messes with the queen. There have been times when I have passed out rawhide bones and the next thing I know, Lotto has all six. When ever she takes something of Sunny's, he comes to me and starts to bounce and whine. It's a particular sounding whine and he has knit his brows together and wants to lead me to Lotto and whatever goodie she stole from him. Of course it doesn't seem to matter to him that what got stolen was probably stolen from another dog. I usually just tell him to just go get it himself. Knowing full well that even he doesn't mess with Lotto.
Siren steals things and then hides them under her blanket in her crate and then she goes and lays in her crate trying to look innocent. Usually work too. Riggins is very quiet about stealing. He learned from Sunny how to counter cruise and even how to open the oven door, so God help you is you leave any leftovers in the oven, Riggins will have it! My tip off is that it is too quiet. I'll go in there and there is Riggins and/or Sunny with a large casserole dish on the floor and feasting off of it!
Mira on the other hand is very straightforward. She doesn't care if you are there or not. She has this, "that's mine, thank you" attitude. She will take something off my plate with me right there looking at it and as she snarfs it down she is looking like, "what? you want it back now". I have had the experience with her where I was eating a sandwich and saw Mira straight across eating her way to me! She has no shame or stress from doing a bad thing. She will do this to Sunny too. He can have a rawhide or anything else and she will walk right up and take it from him. If any of the other Doos did that he would tear them apart. Now I can hear some of you saying "you need to train that dog!". Listen, she is 6 going on 7 and believe me I have tried! But then we all know that Mira doesn't play by the rules. Especially with Yorkies or food.
My favorite though is Sunfire. He is a kind of grab and go guy. He's a big believer in the "bad dog theory". You can see him start to build up. He is looking at something, straight on, nothing subtle about this dog. then he just can't stand it anymore and he jumps, grabs,swallows and runs like hell. He has two things about him that make this a successful maneuver. First, he's fast as lightening and second, he could swallow an elephant whole. He heads straight for his crate and lays down and looks at me as if to say "what sandwich?" Now this heading for the crate is a genetic trait. Newt, Sunny's father is a very polite dog. When he senses that there is trouble lurking in the air, he heads for his crate. He does not want to be involved in trouble, he is a very good boy.. On the other hand, Sunny will do the bad thing and then head for his crate as if to say, "I know that I am going to get punished so I'll save you the effort and put myself away". Sunfire on the other hand puts a new spin on it. He speeds to his crate and then gives you the "what bad thing?"" look. Of course this is usually implied with some evidence on his muzzle such as crumbs. The look is usually followed by the "big eyes" meant to melt my heart. On occasion it works. Sunfire is only three and Sunny's son and it's very hard for him to be good for a long while. At the end of the day when I talk to all of them, when it comes Sunfire's turn we decide whether it has been a good or bad day for him. Either way, he lays his head in my lap and gives me that "I love you mom" look. Today was not a good day for Sunfire. He was bad in so many ways, I can't even count. But tomorrow is a brand new day and a new start for him. Yo9u gotta love those spots........
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