You know, having a bunch of dogs is like having a bunch of kids. It's always some one's birthday!! Today (6/19) is both Siren and Riggins birthday, they are littermates. Seven years ago, Lotto was seriously regretting having anything to do with Sunny. About this time (5:30 pm) she delivered her first pup. Lotto is not one of those super whelpers. She likes to take a nice break between puppies. At about 9:00 pm she delivered what I thought was her last pup. Wrong!!! At 2:00 am she delivered Riggins. He has always been a little different. He was a perfect little pup. And for the past 7 years he has been doing things on his own time. So today we have a double birthday and Father's day to boot!
Naturally this called for a party. Again no hats, although Sunny does enjoy wearing the occasional stylish hat. We actually had to have 2 parties because Sunny and Sunfire simply hate each other. So we had the Father's day party in the afternoon and the Birthday bash in the evening. We served our usual fare, big bowls of ice cold water, hot dogs and BIG cookies. It was a rather reserved event for us. But Sunny enjoyed it. He would have enjoyed it more if he could have beat up Sunfire! Sunfire didn't attend the Father's day party, but he did get treats. In the evening, we had our birthday party. Sunfire sang his long, loud version of the Wooo-Wooo song. Riggins joined in on that one, but they never did reach that perfect harmony. Siren, of course, danced her paws off and Mira joined her in her version of dancing which includes scooting across the floor. She tries her best, but Siren is the dancer in this family. Siren did her usual paw tapping and butt wiggling but because it was her birthday, she added a new step which was to get on her hind feet and wave her front paws in the air. I'm telling you that girl can DANCE. We celebrated with some chicken nuggets, ice cream and a group snuggle. Of course Sunny didn't attend this one, but he did share the treats too.
I'm getting too damn old to party like that. Lotto agreed, somewhere between the start and end of the Birthday party, she left and took some additional nuggets and went to lay on the bed. I wasn't far behind her. Oh, by the way, there has been a new development at the Yorkie house. There is a new Yorkie! Stay tuned for the next posting, hopefully this week. Same time, same blog, same dogs........
Life in the Blue Ridge mountains of GA. As seen through the eyes of a pack of Dalmatians and their person.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Snack Sneaking Strategies....
I believe that the joy of snacking is enhanced by sneaking said snack as opposed to being given it. In other words, stuff tastes better if you steal it. This is something most dogs know and practice religiously. Now this isn't to say that they will turn down a snack if offered, but it's always better if you can get one when no one is looking, or in Mira's case, even if they are.
I heard a great snack story lately that involved my sister's dog Gracie. Now Gracie is a senior with a big ole smile and gentle ways. She also has penchant for watermelon. A while ago my sister, Mary Lou and her husband, Jerry, were sitting around eating some watermelon on a hot day. Being the generous person she is, Mary Lou offered Gracie a bite. Gracie took her up on it and took the whole slice and ate it. Now I think as opposed to being a steal the snack incident it was a lack of communication. Mary Lou, as with most dog owners, are not aware of the subtleties of dog manners. Now I know that when you offer a dog something, they just assume that the whole piece is for them. Try offering your dog a bite of your sandwich next time and see if he/she doesn't swallow your whole hand! It's not bad manners, just a dog's way of thinking.
One of my best dog/snack story took place years ago when my ex and I lived in San Diego. We had a back deck that had a jacuzzi installed in it. The top edge of the Jacuzzi was flush with the deck. We were having a cookout and one of the guests was sitting in the whirlpool and had her hand elevated so as not to get her hamburger wet. We also had an elderly Beagle who was a snack freak. The Beagle's name was Bagle. Well, Bagle saw this scene and a nonchalantly as possible cruised right by this woman, relieved her of her burger and kept on going. This lady didn't know what to do. Trying to keep from laughing too hard, we gave her another burger and put poor Bagle in the house. Bagel was a master at sneaking snacks. She could open up a refrigerator with either paw. Most dogs are either right pawed or left pawed kind of like humans. Now Bagel would not only steal snacks, she would hide or bury them in the house. One day I was on the phone and noticed the big pot my dead cactus had been in. Yes, I admit I killed it. Nobody told me they shouldn't be fertilized. Back to the story. Anyway, there was a piece of what appeared to be cling wrap sticking out of the planter. I took hold of the cling wrap and pulled and unearthed an almost full pound of bacon. Bagle was standing there giving me the stink eye as if to say, "get your own bacon". I wound up having to bungee cord the refrigerator door to keep her out of the frig when I wasn't at home.
The Doos also have their unique ways to steal food. Sunny's favorite thing to do with purloined goodies is to hide them under my butt or under the bed pillow. If I'm sitting down, he just takes whatever it is and starts to use his nose to stuff it under me. This works alright if it is a rawhide bone or something else. Works out for him, not so well with me. If it is a sandwich or something it doesn't work at all. Come to think about it, maybe it does work, I don't want back a sandwich that has been smushed by a dog nose and stuck on my butt so he usually just eats it in that case. He's pretty brazen about stealing from other dogs, except Lotto who will kick his ass if he looks cross eyed at her.
Speaking of Lotto, she is very tactful when it comes to me, she just sits there are give me the "big eyes". You know the look, the I'm so cute how can you resist me. Most of the time I can't. When it comes to all the other Doos she just casually walks up and relieves them of whatever they have and calmly walks off with it. Nobody messes with the queen. There have been times when I have passed out rawhide bones and the next thing I know, Lotto has all six. When ever she takes something of Sunny's, he comes to me and starts to bounce and whine. It's a particular sounding whine and he has knit his brows together and wants to lead me to Lotto and whatever goodie she stole from him. Of course it doesn't seem to matter to him that what got stolen was probably stolen from another dog. I usually just tell him to just go get it himself. Knowing full well that even he doesn't mess with Lotto.
Siren steals things and then hides them under her blanket in her crate and then she goes and lays in her crate trying to look innocent. Usually work too. Riggins is very quiet about stealing. He learned from Sunny how to counter cruise and even how to open the oven door, so God help you is you leave any leftovers in the oven, Riggins will have it! My tip off is that it is too quiet. I'll go in there and there is Riggins and/or Sunny with a large casserole dish on the floor and feasting off of it!
Mira on the other hand is very straightforward. She doesn't care if you are there or not. She has this, "that's mine, thank you" attitude. She will take something off my plate with me right there looking at it and as she snarfs it down she is looking like, "what? you want it back now". I have had the experience with her where I was eating a sandwich and saw Mira straight across eating her way to me! She has no shame or stress from doing a bad thing. She will do this to Sunny too. He can have a rawhide or anything else and she will walk right up and take it from him. If any of the other Doos did that he would tear them apart. Now I can hear some of you saying "you need to train that dog!". Listen, she is 6 going on 7 and believe me I have tried! But then we all know that Mira doesn't play by the rules. Especially with Yorkies or food.
My favorite though is Sunfire. He is a kind of grab and go guy. He's a big believer in the "bad dog theory". You can see him start to build up. He is looking at something, straight on, nothing subtle about this dog. then he just can't stand it anymore and he jumps, grabs,swallows and runs like hell. He has two things about him that make this a successful maneuver. First, he's fast as lightening and second, he could swallow an elephant whole. He heads straight for his crate and lays down and looks at me as if to say "what sandwich?" Now this heading for the crate is a genetic trait. Newt, Sunny's father is a very polite dog. When he senses that there is trouble lurking in the air, he heads for his crate. He does not want to be involved in trouble, he is a very good boy.. On the other hand, Sunny will do the bad thing and then head for his crate as if to say, "I know that I am going to get punished so I'll save you the effort and put myself away". Sunfire on the other hand puts a new spin on it. He speeds to his crate and then gives you the "what bad thing?"" look. Of course this is usually implied with some evidence on his muzzle such as crumbs. The look is usually followed by the "big eyes" meant to melt my heart. On occasion it works. Sunfire is only three and Sunny's son and it's very hard for him to be good for a long while. At the end of the day when I talk to all of them, when it comes Sunfire's turn we decide whether it has been a good or bad day for him. Either way, he lays his head in my lap and gives me that "I love you mom" look. Today was not a good day for Sunfire. He was bad in so many ways, I can't even count. But tomorrow is a brand new day and a new start for him. Yo9u gotta love those spots........
I heard a great snack story lately that involved my sister's dog Gracie. Now Gracie is a senior with a big ole smile and gentle ways. She also has penchant for watermelon. A while ago my sister, Mary Lou and her husband, Jerry, were sitting around eating some watermelon on a hot day. Being the generous person she is, Mary Lou offered Gracie a bite. Gracie took her up on it and took the whole slice and ate it. Now I think as opposed to being a steal the snack incident it was a lack of communication. Mary Lou, as with most dog owners, are not aware of the subtleties of dog manners. Now I know that when you offer a dog something, they just assume that the whole piece is for them. Try offering your dog a bite of your sandwich next time and see if he/she doesn't swallow your whole hand! It's not bad manners, just a dog's way of thinking.
One of my best dog/snack story took place years ago when my ex and I lived in San Diego. We had a back deck that had a jacuzzi installed in it. The top edge of the Jacuzzi was flush with the deck. We were having a cookout and one of the guests was sitting in the whirlpool and had her hand elevated so as not to get her hamburger wet. We also had an elderly Beagle who was a snack freak. The Beagle's name was Bagle. Well, Bagle saw this scene and a nonchalantly as possible cruised right by this woman, relieved her of her burger and kept on going. This lady didn't know what to do. Trying to keep from laughing too hard, we gave her another burger and put poor Bagle in the house. Bagel was a master at sneaking snacks. She could open up a refrigerator with either paw. Most dogs are either right pawed or left pawed kind of like humans. Now Bagel would not only steal snacks, she would hide or bury them in the house. One day I was on the phone and noticed the big pot my dead cactus had been in. Yes, I admit I killed it. Nobody told me they shouldn't be fertilized. Back to the story. Anyway, there was a piece of what appeared to be cling wrap sticking out of the planter. I took hold of the cling wrap and pulled and unearthed an almost full pound of bacon. Bagle was standing there giving me the stink eye as if to say, "get your own bacon". I wound up having to bungee cord the refrigerator door to keep her out of the frig when I wasn't at home.
The Doos also have their unique ways to steal food. Sunny's favorite thing to do with purloined goodies is to hide them under my butt or under the bed pillow. If I'm sitting down, he just takes whatever it is and starts to use his nose to stuff it under me. This works alright if it is a rawhide bone or something else. Works out for him, not so well with me. If it is a sandwich or something it doesn't work at all. Come to think about it, maybe it does work, I don't want back a sandwich that has been smushed by a dog nose and stuck on my butt so he usually just eats it in that case. He's pretty brazen about stealing from other dogs, except Lotto who will kick his ass if he looks cross eyed at her.
Speaking of Lotto, she is very tactful when it comes to me, she just sits there are give me the "big eyes". You know the look, the I'm so cute how can you resist me. Most of the time I can't. When it comes to all the other Doos she just casually walks up and relieves them of whatever they have and calmly walks off with it. Nobody messes with the queen. There have been times when I have passed out rawhide bones and the next thing I know, Lotto has all six. When ever she takes something of Sunny's, he comes to me and starts to bounce and whine. It's a particular sounding whine and he has knit his brows together and wants to lead me to Lotto and whatever goodie she stole from him. Of course it doesn't seem to matter to him that what got stolen was probably stolen from another dog. I usually just tell him to just go get it himself. Knowing full well that even he doesn't mess with Lotto.
Siren steals things and then hides them under her blanket in her crate and then she goes and lays in her crate trying to look innocent. Usually work too. Riggins is very quiet about stealing. He learned from Sunny how to counter cruise and even how to open the oven door, so God help you is you leave any leftovers in the oven, Riggins will have it! My tip off is that it is too quiet. I'll go in there and there is Riggins and/or Sunny with a large casserole dish on the floor and feasting off of it!
Mira on the other hand is very straightforward. She doesn't care if you are there or not. She has this, "that's mine, thank you" attitude. She will take something off my plate with me right there looking at it and as she snarfs it down she is looking like, "what? you want it back now". I have had the experience with her where I was eating a sandwich and saw Mira straight across eating her way to me! She has no shame or stress from doing a bad thing. She will do this to Sunny too. He can have a rawhide or anything else and she will walk right up and take it from him. If any of the other Doos did that he would tear them apart. Now I can hear some of you saying "you need to train that dog!". Listen, she is 6 going on 7 and believe me I have tried! But then we all know that Mira doesn't play by the rules. Especially with Yorkies or food.
My favorite though is Sunfire. He is a kind of grab and go guy. He's a big believer in the "bad dog theory". You can see him start to build up. He is looking at something, straight on, nothing subtle about this dog. then he just can't stand it anymore and he jumps, grabs,swallows and runs like hell. He has two things about him that make this a successful maneuver. First, he's fast as lightening and second, he could swallow an elephant whole. He heads straight for his crate and lays down and looks at me as if to say "what sandwich?" Now this heading for the crate is a genetic trait. Newt, Sunny's father is a very polite dog. When he senses that there is trouble lurking in the air, he heads for his crate. He does not want to be involved in trouble, he is a very good boy.. On the other hand, Sunny will do the bad thing and then head for his crate as if to say, "I know that I am going to get punished so I'll save you the effort and put myself away". Sunfire on the other hand puts a new spin on it. He speeds to his crate and then gives you the "what bad thing?"" look. Of course this is usually implied with some evidence on his muzzle such as crumbs. The look is usually followed by the "big eyes" meant to melt my heart. On occasion it works. Sunfire is only three and Sunny's son and it's very hard for him to be good for a long while. At the end of the day when I talk to all of them, when it comes Sunfire's turn we decide whether it has been a good or bad day for him. Either way, he lays his head in my lap and gives me that "I love you mom" look. Today was not a good day for Sunfire. He was bad in so many ways, I can't even count. But tomorrow is a brand new day and a new start for him. Yo9u gotta love those spots........
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Baby Man turns three!
Hi everyone,
This past week has been exciting. We've had Yorkie sightings I went on the "Little Bus" to go shopping and Monday was Sunfire's 3rd birthday! If it got anymore exciting than that I'd probably just keel over. Okay, we had an actual Yorkie sighting this past weekend. Yorkies are kind of like moles (not the face kind, the dirt kind). They don't venture out much when it is hot outside. I guess their tiny bodies can't take the heat. But on Thursday last week, I saw one playing outside. He was the little one. He was just having a time of it running and jumping at the little blue moths, acting like a real dog. I figured that his people didn't know he was out there and I was right. His mom came out and started calling him. Again, acting like a real dog, you could see his little mind twitching, "should I ignore her or be a good little toy dog and go to her. Well, good won out over bad and with his little ears down he went to his mama and went inside. I kind of felt sorry for the little booger. This little guy and I are kind of friends. Ever since I baby sat for them, this little one runs out onto the porch every time he sees me and gives tail wags and little barks and jumps up and down. I still don't know what his name is, I call him Critter. The other two don't trust me and still do the ferocious bark thing and run like hell when they see Sunny or Mira, what they don't realize is that the other four are just as likely to eat them as Sunny and Mira, Actually, Mira might eat them, she damn near eats anything, but Sunny can be a fussy eater and I don't know if Yorkie is on his preferred list. I know cat is.
Oh the joys of being an old fart. I may never drive again. I found that Rabun county (GA) has a great service. Actually it has several services. This county has a lot of seniors and is also a pretty wealthy county to boot. The service I used is called "Dial-a-ride". This is so cool, you call the day before and schedule a pick up (of you) and a little bus comes right to your door and a nice bus driver helps you into the bus. In my case, I even got a little footstool because of my little short legs. I got taken to the doctor's office first and then picked up when I was done and taken to Walmart to shop. I got picked up when done and the nice bus driver unloaded all my stuff from the cart into the bus and then unloaded all my stuff into the house when we got to it. All this great service and for only $6.00! That includes being picked up, stopping at up to three places and being brought home. As I said, I may never drive again!!
Okay, for the big news, ta-da..... Baby Man (Sunfire) turned 3 years old on Monday. Remember that I told you that male Dals don't grow a brain until they are at least 5 years old? Well that still applies. He is still a goober and a silly dog. I had bought some ice cream for his birthday, vanilla, because I am not even going to deal with the "I want this type etc". If ice cream came is "butt" flavor everyone would be happy. I also got some hot dogs too. So we all had a "Doo birthday party". We don't wear hats, but we do dance and eat and sing. Siren favored us with her rendition of the "Boogey woogey blues". Which is made up of some complicated shuffles and jumps along with a lot of body wagging. That girl can cut a rug. Sunfire and Riggins sang the "Wooo-wooo-wooo song" They are a great duo. Mira practiced her slight of paw hot dog stealing. Sunny of course couldn't attend because he acts like a complete asshole and fights with Sunfire, but he did share in the goodies. Lotto just hung around and ate and smiled. The rest of the evening was given over to competitive farting. Dogs are lactose intolerant and hot dogs make everyone fart. Lotto won the contest, she has years of practice on all of them.
Okay, last bit of news is that Sun man has decided to throw his paw back into the ring. He is going to be shown as a veteran starting with the Atlanta shows in October. He is very excited about this and very sure that he is winning material. We have already begun a show routine with him which involves an hour or two of exercise, usually running through the creek followed by scaring the crap out of the Yorkies. His diet is also changing, he is now regulated to eating only high quality dog food, no more pizza or oreos. That one hurts, but no pain, no gain. Finally we are extending his rest period by 1 hour, so instead of getting 13 hours of sleep a day, we have upped that to 14. The good part of that though is that he gets to sleep that extra hour sleeping on the bed, same as the other 13.
Well folks, I'm gonna sign off for now. I have plans in the future for visiting the Senior center. That ought to provide some great material. Seniors are even funnier that Yorkies......
This past week has been exciting. We've had Yorkie sightings I went on the "Little Bus" to go shopping and Monday was Sunfire's 3rd birthday! If it got anymore exciting than that I'd probably just keel over. Okay, we had an actual Yorkie sighting this past weekend. Yorkies are kind of like moles (not the face kind, the dirt kind). They don't venture out much when it is hot outside. I guess their tiny bodies can't take the heat. But on Thursday last week, I saw one playing outside. He was the little one. He was just having a time of it running and jumping at the little blue moths, acting like a real dog. I figured that his people didn't know he was out there and I was right. His mom came out and started calling him. Again, acting like a real dog, you could see his little mind twitching, "should I ignore her or be a good little toy dog and go to her. Well, good won out over bad and with his little ears down he went to his mama and went inside. I kind of felt sorry for the little booger. This little guy and I are kind of friends. Ever since I baby sat for them, this little one runs out onto the porch every time he sees me and gives tail wags and little barks and jumps up and down. I still don't know what his name is, I call him Critter. The other two don't trust me and still do the ferocious bark thing and run like hell when they see Sunny or Mira, what they don't realize is that the other four are just as likely to eat them as Sunny and Mira, Actually, Mira might eat them, she damn near eats anything, but Sunny can be a fussy eater and I don't know if Yorkie is on his preferred list. I know cat is.
Oh the joys of being an old fart. I may never drive again. I found that Rabun county (GA) has a great service. Actually it has several services. This county has a lot of seniors and is also a pretty wealthy county to boot. The service I used is called "Dial-a-ride". This is so cool, you call the day before and schedule a pick up (of you) and a little bus comes right to your door and a nice bus driver helps you into the bus. In my case, I even got a little footstool because of my little short legs. I got taken to the doctor's office first and then picked up when I was done and taken to Walmart to shop. I got picked up when done and the nice bus driver unloaded all my stuff from the cart into the bus and then unloaded all my stuff into the house when we got to it. All this great service and for only $6.00! That includes being picked up, stopping at up to three places and being brought home. As I said, I may never drive again!!
Okay, for the big news, ta-da..... Baby Man (Sunfire) turned 3 years old on Monday. Remember that I told you that male Dals don't grow a brain until they are at least 5 years old? Well that still applies. He is still a goober and a silly dog. I had bought some ice cream for his birthday, vanilla, because I am not even going to deal with the "I want this type etc". If ice cream came is "butt" flavor everyone would be happy. I also got some hot dogs too. So we all had a "Doo birthday party". We don't wear hats, but we do dance and eat and sing. Siren favored us with her rendition of the "Boogey woogey blues". Which is made up of some complicated shuffles and jumps along with a lot of body wagging. That girl can cut a rug. Sunfire and Riggins sang the "Wooo-wooo-wooo song" They are a great duo. Mira practiced her slight of paw hot dog stealing. Sunny of course couldn't attend because he acts like a complete asshole and fights with Sunfire, but he did share in the goodies. Lotto just hung around and ate and smiled. The rest of the evening was given over to competitive farting. Dogs are lactose intolerant and hot dogs make everyone fart. Lotto won the contest, she has years of practice on all of them.
Okay, last bit of news is that Sun man has decided to throw his paw back into the ring. He is going to be shown as a veteran starting with the Atlanta shows in October. He is very excited about this and very sure that he is winning material. We have already begun a show routine with him which involves an hour or two of exercise, usually running through the creek followed by scaring the crap out of the Yorkies. His diet is also changing, he is now regulated to eating only high quality dog food, no more pizza or oreos. That one hurts, but no pain, no gain. Finally we are extending his rest period by 1 hour, so instead of getting 13 hours of sleep a day, we have upped that to 14. The good part of that though is that he gets to sleep that extra hour sleeping on the bed, same as the other 13.
Well folks, I'm gonna sign off for now. I have plans in the future for visiting the Senior center. That ought to provide some great material. Seniors are even funnier that Yorkies......
Friday, May 20, 2011
Goats and Virgins..........
I just had an interesting Emily Latella moment. Some of you may remember her, the character played by Gilda Radner on the original Saturday Night Live. Miss Latella was an elderly lady who used to get her knickers in a knot over something she misheard. My favorite of hers was a rant she did because she heard this big effort was going on because of "endangered Beagles". Of course she misheard "endangered eagles". After every piece when she had been corrected she would say, "never mind"....
Well, I had one of those today. I was scanning through my email, without my glasses of course. I was checking the spam page when I saw, or thought I saw one from one of these dating companies saying "Meet Ray, he loves goats and virgins". That got my attention. I squinted even closer and yup, that's what I thought it said. Of course, I didn't care if this was spam, I wanted to see a picture of this guy. So I went and got my glasses and came back and realized that it had really said, "Meet Ray, he has goals and values". Well that's boring! Life is so much more interesting without glasses. This has given me a few thoughts about stuff like that, that I'd thought I'd share with you.
I remember a birthday card I gave my sister about 30 years ago. Yep that's the same one that tamed the Impala, I've only got one, but she's enough. Anyway, it had a picture of a woman on the front and it said " Happy Birthday, one year older" and you opened it up and it said, "and one year closer to looking like mom!"
Well, Mary Lou dropped that thing like it was on fire and screamed. I thought it was a great card, hardly deserving of that reaction. The point is like it or not, we're getting older and that moment is going to arise, if it hasn't already, when you look in the mirror and your mom or dad or some other relative is looking back at you and this is not a good hair day for them. Luckily, this usually happens when you first get up in the morning, so it can screw up your whole day, or sometime other than when you are looking your finest. If it happens to you when you are all dressed up, than you need to make a serious review of your wardrobe, or better yet, just take out the teeth, put on your robe and slippers and check yourself into an "assisted care facility" it's all over for you. Every once in awhile my dad or mom show up in my mirror. I'm waiting for the day, my Aunt Lena shows up. That's going to be an omen.
I remember one day when my son Jason was in high school and his girlfriend was over at the house. Jason is a strikingly handsome young man, but he does favor his father some. Anyway, my ex used to work nights, so he would sleep days and afternoons. It was his habit at some time in the afternoon he would wake up for a snack and wander into the kitchen to find something to eat and then wander back to bed. This was usually accompanied by wearing a pair of loose holey jockeys and a lot of ass scratching and hair that was standing straight up and dried spit in the corners of his mouth. Anyway, we are all sitting in the family room and guess who comes walking through in true form? The devil made me do it and I pointed out to the girlfriend that if she stuck with Jason, this is what she could look forward to in about 40 years. Her head snapped around so fast I'm amazed she didn't get whiplash. Luckily, she wasn't "the one". Luckily for Jason that is, I've seen her mom!
The interesting thing about this process of aging is that it happens gradually and we don't really notice it until one day, boom! there it is. I remember thinking that my mother had to be a complete idiot some of the things she did. We would get home from the grocery store and be putting things away and inevitably my mom would say something like "that's not what i wanted" and I'd think to myself, then why'd you buy it? Shades of "goats and virgins" here. I do that myself. I'll be looking through the cabinets and see something and think, when did I buy that? Or go to get a can of beets from the cabinet and find that instead I bought "extra slimey okra with pigs feet". Yeah, I had the glasses on for that one!
I know I am a constant source of amusement for the Doos. Especially when I lose something and go looking for it. they love to watch me search the same place 15 times, all the while the something I'm searching for is sitting about 3 feet away in the wide open. I think once in awhile they actually take my keys, for example, and hide them in a crate and watch me go nuts trying to find them and then put them back in the same spot i had just searched. I'm suspicious of that because I have seen a little paw slapping going on behind my back. They also love it when I go searching for something, forget what it was and then have to come back after I've remembered. I see some nudging going on as I come into a room and then get that blank look and leave again only to return when I've remembered. Bill Cosby said he figured that we had a memory button somewhere on our butts that activated when we went to sit down after forgetting what it was we were looking for. He said that life would be much easier if we could find the button and just push it when we forgot.
As for me, I'm enjoying old age. I'm going to keep on not wearing the glasses and read some interesting things. I'm going to keep on buying things that I wouldn't eat if it was the last can on earth. I'm going to continue to amuse my dogs with senility. I'll leave you for now with my last foray into senility. Last week, I went nuts looking for my glasses. I don't care how many pair you have, you can never find one when your looking. Finally, I made one of my 300/day pee stops and was sitting there on the commode and looked into the mirror and saw my glasses... on my face... Ain't life weird!
Well, I had one of those today. I was scanning through my email, without my glasses of course. I was checking the spam page when I saw, or thought I saw one from one of these dating companies saying "Meet Ray, he loves goats and virgins". That got my attention. I squinted even closer and yup, that's what I thought it said. Of course, I didn't care if this was spam, I wanted to see a picture of this guy. So I went and got my glasses and came back and realized that it had really said, "Meet Ray, he has goals and values". Well that's boring! Life is so much more interesting without glasses. This has given me a few thoughts about stuff like that, that I'd thought I'd share with you.
I remember a birthday card I gave my sister about 30 years ago. Yep that's the same one that tamed the Impala, I've only got one, but she's enough. Anyway, it had a picture of a woman on the front and it said " Happy Birthday, one year older" and you opened it up and it said, "and one year closer to looking like mom!"
Well, Mary Lou dropped that thing like it was on fire and screamed. I thought it was a great card, hardly deserving of that reaction. The point is like it or not, we're getting older and that moment is going to arise, if it hasn't already, when you look in the mirror and your mom or dad or some other relative is looking back at you and this is not a good hair day for them. Luckily, this usually happens when you first get up in the morning, so it can screw up your whole day, or sometime other than when you are looking your finest. If it happens to you when you are all dressed up, than you need to make a serious review of your wardrobe, or better yet, just take out the teeth, put on your robe and slippers and check yourself into an "assisted care facility" it's all over for you. Every once in awhile my dad or mom show up in my mirror. I'm waiting for the day, my Aunt Lena shows up. That's going to be an omen.
I remember one day when my son Jason was in high school and his girlfriend was over at the house. Jason is a strikingly handsome young man, but he does favor his father some. Anyway, my ex used to work nights, so he would sleep days and afternoons. It was his habit at some time in the afternoon he would wake up for a snack and wander into the kitchen to find something to eat and then wander back to bed. This was usually accompanied by wearing a pair of loose holey jockeys and a lot of ass scratching and hair that was standing straight up and dried spit in the corners of his mouth. Anyway, we are all sitting in the family room and guess who comes walking through in true form? The devil made me do it and I pointed out to the girlfriend that if she stuck with Jason, this is what she could look forward to in about 40 years. Her head snapped around so fast I'm amazed she didn't get whiplash. Luckily, she wasn't "the one". Luckily for Jason that is, I've seen her mom!
The interesting thing about this process of aging is that it happens gradually and we don't really notice it until one day, boom! there it is. I remember thinking that my mother had to be a complete idiot some of the things she did. We would get home from the grocery store and be putting things away and inevitably my mom would say something like "that's not what i wanted" and I'd think to myself, then why'd you buy it? Shades of "goats and virgins" here. I do that myself. I'll be looking through the cabinets and see something and think, when did I buy that? Or go to get a can of beets from the cabinet and find that instead I bought "extra slimey okra with pigs feet". Yeah, I had the glasses on for that one!
I know I am a constant source of amusement for the Doos. Especially when I lose something and go looking for it. they love to watch me search the same place 15 times, all the while the something I'm searching for is sitting about 3 feet away in the wide open. I think once in awhile they actually take my keys, for example, and hide them in a crate and watch me go nuts trying to find them and then put them back in the same spot i had just searched. I'm suspicious of that because I have seen a little paw slapping going on behind my back. They also love it when I go searching for something, forget what it was and then have to come back after I've remembered. I see some nudging going on as I come into a room and then get that blank look and leave again only to return when I've remembered. Bill Cosby said he figured that we had a memory button somewhere on our butts that activated when we went to sit down after forgetting what it was we were looking for. He said that life would be much easier if we could find the button and just push it when we forgot.
As for me, I'm enjoying old age. I'm going to keep on not wearing the glasses and read some interesting things. I'm going to keep on buying things that I wouldn't eat if it was the last can on earth. I'm going to continue to amuse my dogs with senility. I'll leave you for now with my last foray into senility. Last week, I went nuts looking for my glasses. I don't care how many pair you have, you can never find one when your looking. Finally, I made one of my 300/day pee stops and was sitting there on the commode and looked into the mirror and saw my glasses... on my face... Ain't life weird!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
It was a '64 Impala officer......
Dear God, can you die of asphyxiation from dog farts? It either that or I'm getting light headed from the lack of oxygen in the room. Actually 90% of what we breathe in is Nitrogen, but I think dog farts displace that too. I thought if I go I'd better leave someone a note telling them why and blaming it on "the bad dog". I don't know what these dogs are eating, I'm feeding them their regular kibble. They smell like pickled eggs and beer farts which are in a class all of their own. I have an ex-husband who had a penchant for pickled eggs and beer. He also had a fondness for holding my head under the covers. If you have ever smelled one of these wonders, you will never forget it. Now all I have to do is find their stash of pickled eggs and beer! I'll throw out the pickled eggs and drink the beer.
Speaking of the bad dog, I was cooking the rest of the hamburger that I put in the freezer tonight. Naturally, I have dogs following my every move hoping I'll pass out and then they can get the hamburger. Maybe that is what the farts are all about. I very casually turn and mention that if the bad dog was thinking of making an appearance tonight, that I would kill the first dog I see and then go after the bad dog. I told them, "see I have 6 of you and this is the last of my precious ground beef!" Nobody even moved an ear and some of them even went to lay in their crates. Of course, Sunfire wasn't among them, he is an eternal optimist. The hamburger was great!
Have you ever been laying in bed trying to take a nap and you know how your mind wanders? I was doing that today and an old memory came drifting by. I started laughing so hard I was snorting. Lotto thought I was having a heart attack and came up to see what was wrong. She saw me having hysterics, snot running down my nose and unable to stop either. She looked at me with that goofy smile she has where she squints her eyes, scrunches up her ears and lifts her front lip. In the Dal world, this is known as a "smarl", half smile, half snarl. The cause of this was a memory that as far as I can remember was the funniest experience of my life. Now my sister who was the other 1/2 of the experience may not have agreed at the time, but since then we have had some great laugh fests remembering this.
This whole memory thing came about because I was looking for a new picture to put up for Facebook. I have one posted, a 6th or 7th grade picture of me looking so cute in my catholic school uniform. Anyway, I see something on the picture and enlarge it to see what it was. It was tire tracks! I sent my sister an instant message about it and she answered back that it was from a "'64 Impala". At the mention of that I started laughing and snorting etc. The little incident this afternoon was just a continuation of that. I've been laughing my ass off about this for 3 days and decided that anything that funny needs to be passed on to the loyal pig and Yorkie fans.
Okay, picture this, it was 1970 + and my sister and I had been to the mall shopping.We had on our elephant bell pants, platform shoes, long straight hair etc. We had just come out of TJ-Max at a large mall and were getting ready to cross to the parking lot. You know how you glance to make sure someone isn't trying to mow you down and then proceed. I was on the right, my sister Mary Lou was on the left and everything was clear on the right and there was a car moving towards us on the left but with plenty of room to stop. So we are having this conversation and we both hear a lot of people saying "Whoa, Whoa" and "STOP". About this time this car goes in front of me and I see my sister leave with the car. My first thought was "that's pretty damn rude, I'm talking to her and she leaves!" A millisecond later it dawns on me that she had just been hit by this car and was riding the front passenger side of the fender. Now let me take time to stage the whole thing for you. When I glanced left, there was a car coming, but I thought it would stop, it wouldn't have had to slam on it's brakes or anything, that was assuming on my part that it had brakes What I saw go in front of me was a 1964 Chevrolet Impala with 7 large African American men riding in it, all of them hollering "WHOA" or "STOP" and had the doors open and feet were dragging on the ground in a vain attempt to stop this train of a car. I bring up the fact of their ethnicity only to give you an idea as to their state of mind. This was the '70's in the south and a car full of black guys just hit a white girl in front of a well populated mall and it appeared that they didn't even try to stop. I look up at the car as it is leaving and see my sister riding that fender like a Brahman bull at a Texas rodeo. She didn't want to fall off and get run over by the thing but all she was missing was a cowboy hat and an arm waving in the air. They traveled about another 30 feet or so before they came to a stop. I think by this time the guys were outside the car trying to stop it. Now this happened before I studied physics, but the 1964 full sized car, which the Impala is, is a certified land yacht, you could sit 8 people in that car and 7 very comfortably. You could rent out the back seat to a family of 5 and the trunk to 2 families of illegals. The words momentum and inertia describe this incident. As a matter of fact if you look up momentum you'll see a picture of '64 Impala with some cowgirl riding the right front fender. Of course I ran after the car and got there about the time it stopped. Just in time to see Mary Lou slide off the fender. There were a couple of guys trying to help her and another one trying to sign her up for the bronc riding event in the next Olympics. She appeared to be a little dazed but unhurt, can't understand that can you?? I asked her if she was alright and I think she said yeah. I don't remember much more about that, I was laughing too hard. We made a pact not to tell our mom. I think it was because we were driving her car and I think sometime after that we did tell her. My mom passed in 1988 and it was probably not too long before that that we told her. Can't let someone die without knowing that one of her daughters got hit by a car and the other one almost had a cardiac laughing at it. I think Mary Lou wound up with a huge bruise on her butt. But it was well worth it to give us damn near 40 years of great laughs. We did retrieve her purse before we left. It was one of those hippie shoulder bags made from suede with fringe. I am here to attest that she never could get the tire print off of that thing. I hope she still has it. Now, if you thought this was funny to read about, you should have been there to see it.
Today is my mother's birthday, she would have been 91, Happy Birthday Mom. In three days, the 18th, it will be my sister's birthday and she will be 54. I want to thank her for being my sister and loving me no matter what and especially for giving me one of the funniest memories ever. Love you Lou!
Speaking of the bad dog, I was cooking the rest of the hamburger that I put in the freezer tonight. Naturally, I have dogs following my every move hoping I'll pass out and then they can get the hamburger. Maybe that is what the farts are all about. I very casually turn and mention that if the bad dog was thinking of making an appearance tonight, that I would kill the first dog I see and then go after the bad dog. I told them, "see I have 6 of you and this is the last of my precious ground beef!" Nobody even moved an ear and some of them even went to lay in their crates. Of course, Sunfire wasn't among them, he is an eternal optimist. The hamburger was great!
Have you ever been laying in bed trying to take a nap and you know how your mind wanders? I was doing that today and an old memory came drifting by. I started laughing so hard I was snorting. Lotto thought I was having a heart attack and came up to see what was wrong. She saw me having hysterics, snot running down my nose and unable to stop either. She looked at me with that goofy smile she has where she squints her eyes, scrunches up her ears and lifts her front lip. In the Dal world, this is known as a "smarl", half smile, half snarl. The cause of this was a memory that as far as I can remember was the funniest experience of my life. Now my sister who was the other 1/2 of the experience may not have agreed at the time, but since then we have had some great laugh fests remembering this.
This whole memory thing came about because I was looking for a new picture to put up for Facebook. I have one posted, a 6th or 7th grade picture of me looking so cute in my catholic school uniform. Anyway, I see something on the picture and enlarge it to see what it was. It was tire tracks! I sent my sister an instant message about it and she answered back that it was from a "'64 Impala". At the mention of that I started laughing and snorting etc. The little incident this afternoon was just a continuation of that. I've been laughing my ass off about this for 3 days and decided that anything that funny needs to be passed on to the loyal pig and Yorkie fans.
Okay, picture this, it was 1970 + and my sister and I had been to the mall shopping.We had on our elephant bell pants, platform shoes, long straight hair etc. We had just come out of TJ-Max at a large mall and were getting ready to cross to the parking lot. You know how you glance to make sure someone isn't trying to mow you down and then proceed. I was on the right, my sister Mary Lou was on the left and everything was clear on the right and there was a car moving towards us on the left but with plenty of room to stop. So we are having this conversation and we both hear a lot of people saying "Whoa, Whoa" and "STOP". About this time this car goes in front of me and I see my sister leave with the car. My first thought was "that's pretty damn rude, I'm talking to her and she leaves!" A millisecond later it dawns on me that she had just been hit by this car and was riding the front passenger side of the fender. Now let me take time to stage the whole thing for you. When I glanced left, there was a car coming, but I thought it would stop, it wouldn't have had to slam on it's brakes or anything, that was assuming on my part that it had brakes What I saw go in front of me was a 1964 Chevrolet Impala with 7 large African American men riding in it, all of them hollering "WHOA" or "STOP" and had the doors open and feet were dragging on the ground in a vain attempt to stop this train of a car. I bring up the fact of their ethnicity only to give you an idea as to their state of mind. This was the '70's in the south and a car full of black guys just hit a white girl in front of a well populated mall and it appeared that they didn't even try to stop. I look up at the car as it is leaving and see my sister riding that fender like a Brahman bull at a Texas rodeo. She didn't want to fall off and get run over by the thing but all she was missing was a cowboy hat and an arm waving in the air. They traveled about another 30 feet or so before they came to a stop. I think by this time the guys were outside the car trying to stop it. Now this happened before I studied physics, but the 1964 full sized car, which the Impala is, is a certified land yacht, you could sit 8 people in that car and 7 very comfortably. You could rent out the back seat to a family of 5 and the trunk to 2 families of illegals. The words momentum and inertia describe this incident. As a matter of fact if you look up momentum you'll see a picture of '64 Impala with some cowgirl riding the right front fender. Of course I ran after the car and got there about the time it stopped. Just in time to see Mary Lou slide off the fender. There were a couple of guys trying to help her and another one trying to sign her up for the bronc riding event in the next Olympics. She appeared to be a little dazed but unhurt, can't understand that can you?? I asked her if she was alright and I think she said yeah. I don't remember much more about that, I was laughing too hard. We made a pact not to tell our mom. I think it was because we were driving her car and I think sometime after that we did tell her. My mom passed in 1988 and it was probably not too long before that that we told her. Can't let someone die without knowing that one of her daughters got hit by a car and the other one almost had a cardiac laughing at it. I think Mary Lou wound up with a huge bruise on her butt. But it was well worth it to give us damn near 40 years of great laughs. We did retrieve her purse before we left. It was one of those hippie shoulder bags made from suede with fringe. I am here to attest that she never could get the tire print off of that thing. I hope she still has it. Now, if you thought this was funny to read about, you should have been there to see it.
Today is my mother's birthday, she would have been 91, Happy Birthday Mom. In three days, the 18th, it will be my sister's birthday and she will be 54. I want to thank her for being my sister and loving me no matter what and especially for giving me one of the funniest memories ever. Love you Lou!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Return of the "bad dog"....
You know the song, "Summertime and the livin is easy" I just changed the lyrics to "Spring is here and the Dals are crazy". I think it has something to do with being cooped up in the winter and finally allowed to run and play and knock old people over. Lotto and I are the 2 old people here and yes, we've both been knocked on our butts by a Dalmatian moving like a freight train at full speed who isn't looking at where they are going. This is usually attributed to Sunfire because he is the youngest, fastest and brainless. Okay, those of you who don't own Dals may not understand this, but I'm sure there is an equivalent in other breeds. Those of you who own Dals, especially male Dals, will be nodding their heads in agreement. Male Dals, especially those still intact, do not even approach growing a brain until around 5 years old. Until that time they are big, powerful, brainless goobers. Sunfire is not quite 3 years old yet so this definitely applies to him. I have been out walking with Lotto, the rest scream past at about 90 mph. Sunfire is always torn between wanting to run as fast as he can for as long as possible and being with mama. So in his brainless way, he combines the two to come up with running at mama at about 90 and not putting on any brakes and not jumping any hurdles. Okay, back to the walk. Lotto and I are walking up the road to the mailbox and the 4 others (not Sunny) at running like a pack of thoroughbreds and heading into the second turn when Sunfire sees mama and Lotto on the other side of the creek. You can see he is having a hard time making a decision but in the end the big old wussy mama's boy wins out and he comes scre4aming back towards us. I'm hollering at Lotto who is in front of me and sniffing a pile of poop to move, more like "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE" and she is ignoring me. So here comes Sunfire with his eyes on me and oblivious to anything else in his path. Sunfire is solid muscle and bone and about 60 pounds. He literally mows down Lotto and tumbles her on his way to me. Meanwhile I move out of the way at the last second because I've been where Lotto is and because if you move too early, he will correct his path of destruction. As he goes past me he remembers to stop and it doesn't hurt that I'm hollering at him at the top of my lungs to "STOP". Meanwhile, Lotto is getting to her feet and looking a little disoriented. However, ever since that incident when she hears me holler "MOVE" she does, quickly and far away from me. Sunfire's idea of affection are big paw hugs. This is where he wraps his front paws around your arm or legs, whichever is closer and tries to drag you off. Sometimes he will even "mouth" your hand while dragging your leg or grab a mouthful of hair to tug on if he has your arm. I told you, he is a large puppy, a very strong, lovable affectionate puppy.!
I bring all this up about male Dals not growing a brain until 5 to possibly explain an incident that happened 2 days ago. When we moved up here I wanted to eat better and also being on a limited income, I had given up eating meat, However, once a carnivore, always a carnivore. I was grocery shopping and I smelled what distinctly identified as a hamburger. That was it. All my willpower was exhausted and I snagged a pound of hamburger before I hit the checkout. Okay, Okay, I also got some breakfast sausages and a KitKat too. I confess, I added a diet Coke at the last minute. Well I blew my "all water" part of the diet too. Anyway, there was no guilt to be found, only anticipation of a juicy hamburger with chips (did I forget to mention them?) I came home and fed the Doos in some fantasy idea that they would leave me alone. Right! I started to prepare my burger by cutting the pound of ground chuck in half and putting the other half in the freezer. If you are going to have a burger, it needs to be a greasy one. I was frying the burger with all the appropriate spices on it, also known as the "men's basic 4 spices" that go on everything, salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion salt. and sauteing onion on the side. Now I am a burger purist. I don't want a garden salad on my burger, just cheese, sauteed onions and mustard. I had forgotten to buy buns, so I was using 2 slices of bread. My bread was laying open side by side with the hamburger, cheese and onions on one slice and mustard on the second. I turned slightly to the left to get a paper towel and all I saw was this blur. What an athlete. Here came SunfireDoos were looking at each other like "Oooh is he in trouble". None of them have ever stolen any food while I was right there before. Well there was one time that Mira snagged a chip from my plate and ate it joyfully while looking at me like "you end want it back now that I've slobbered on it??" But we all know that Mira "ain't quite right".
After about 30 minutes I let him out again. They don't remember what they've done at that point. Of course all the other Doos were right there to remind him. I was working at the computer and here comes Sunfire sidling up to me with this look of total regret on his face or maybe it was fear of death. Anyway, he is tentatively mouthing my elbow very gently and I turn to look at him and say' "what?". Now the dogs and I have conversations all the time. They have very expressive faces and I talk and make up what they are saying, but somehow it always seems pretty close. He looked at me with total love on his face as if to say "I love you mom". I replied, "you ate my hamburger". His response surprised me, he said "No, I didn't it wasn't me". I replied that I saw him and he told me his version of the theft. He said that as he was sitting there being a good boy, not trying to drag mama away, and this other dog ran past him and stole the hamburger and ran into his crate. He told me that the other dog looks just like him and that maybe it was Sunny. Nice try but Sunny had been in his crate, He then told me the other dog's name was Sunfire, too. Now that was stretching it a little. I said, okay, let me get this straight, there is another dog in this house who looks just like you and his name is also Sunfire? All the Doos were agreeing. I could hear in the background murmurs and whispers of "the bad dog". Now the "bad dog" was a fictional dog that lived with us when the Doos were all younger and would do bad stuff and then the Doos would get blamed for it. Every bad thing that happened was because of "the bad dog". We hadn't seem him around for awhile, I just assumed he got bored and moved on. But evidently, "HE'S BACK!" I looked at Sunfire and said "right!", at which prompt he grabbed my arm with his paws, yanked a hunk of hair on my head and tried to pull me out of my chair. He did calm down a little when I threatened to kill him first and then go looking for the bad dog.
Alright, I know this is long and it's going to get longer, so either come back to it later or go pee now. For those of you who are troopers and will staunchly carry on, let's go. Because of the incident with Sunfire bowling over Lotto, she now goes out with Sunny when he goes. This works out good for her because he goes for long walks or runs and usually comes back an hour or so later. Sunny used to go out with Mira but that's like letting 2 psychos out together and they just fed off of each other. Now Mira goes out with Sunfire, Riggins and Siren. The three of them keep her in check, not that it does any good. Her latest thing is to go up to the Yorkies storm door and and do the crazy dog thing while they in turn snarl and bark at her feeling safe because of the door. God help us if that door ever gives way, there will be some shittin and gittin Yorkies with the Tasmanian devil in hot pursuit.
Sunny has always been very protective of Lotto and usually they hang around together and have for all their lives together. At first it was a wonderful love story, like Pongo and Perdita in 101 Dalmatians but 3 litters later and several years it's become more like Fred and Ethel Mertz in I Love Lucy. Like I said, we have conversations. They do too, especially Sunny and Lotto. They hang out together on the bed or where ever and you can hear them grumbling at each other and then an occasional lip lift and finally one will turn their back on the other. The day after the burger incident they had been out together and here comes Sunny galloping up the drive without Lotto. So here he comes all smiles and prancing. He gets about 20 feet from me and I ask him, "where's Lotto?". Now he does know what this means. He stops and gives me a look that says "Who's Lotto?" I tell him she's that short pudgy little female Dalmatian that you left with. He starts looking around and then sticks his nose in the air and after a second he takes back off in the direction he came from. About 2 minutes later, Both Lotto and Sunny come trotting up the drive. I'm fussing at Sunny on the way into the yard that he shouldn't just leave Lotto that she could get lost or something bad could happen. Later on, the two of them are hanging out on the bed and your can hear them begin to talk. Sunny asked Lotto where she had been when he came home. He said "one minute you were there and the second you're gone". She told him that she had been right where he left her when he ran off. He asked her what had happened the other day with Sunfire and the burger, so she filled him in but when she got to the "bad dog" part Sunny let out one loud bark which translates to "Bulls_ _t!, and she believed him!!" Lotto shrugged. Sunny said "that's why I hate that little asshole, he gets away with everything". Lotto replied "He's your son" and Sunny said, "Don't start again!" After a few moments of silence, Sunny said "You know, we're gonna have to start looking after that one". Lotto asked, "Sunfire?" and Sunny said, "No, the old one, she gets crazier every day. Did you hear her out there hollering when the asshole knocked you down, like you're supposed to understand MOVE and now this bad dog BS". Lotto said, "She's your human, you take care of her". Sunny said, "wait a minute, you were here before I was". Lottie shrugged and said "someday, she's going to go out with you and your going to leave HER someplace and then she will be gone and who's gonna hunt for kibble then, you??, you couldn't hunt down a lame Yorkie!". Sunny gave her an indignant look and said, "Kiss my spotted ass". Lotto gave him a disgusted look and replied "pick the spot you're all ass, no pun intended". At that point there was a little bit of lip lifting and a very quiet growl. Lotto turned facing away from Sunny with her butt close to his face and farts....
I bring all this up about male Dals not growing a brain until 5 to possibly explain an incident that happened 2 days ago. When we moved up here I wanted to eat better and also being on a limited income, I had given up eating meat, However, once a carnivore, always a carnivore. I was grocery shopping and I smelled what distinctly identified as a hamburger. That was it. All my willpower was exhausted and I snagged a pound of hamburger before I hit the checkout. Okay, Okay, I also got some breakfast sausages and a KitKat too. I confess, I added a diet Coke at the last minute. Well I blew my "all water" part of the diet too. Anyway, there was no guilt to be found, only anticipation of a juicy hamburger with chips (did I forget to mention them?) I came home and fed the Doos in some fantasy idea that they would leave me alone. Right! I started to prepare my burger by cutting the pound of ground chuck in half and putting the other half in the freezer. If you are going to have a burger, it needs to be a greasy one. I was frying the burger with all the appropriate spices on it, also known as the "men's basic 4 spices" that go on everything, salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion salt. and sauteing onion on the side. Now I am a burger purist. I don't want a garden salad on my burger, just cheese, sauteed onions and mustard. I had forgotten to buy buns, so I was using 2 slices of bread. My bread was laying open side by side with the hamburger, cheese and onions on one slice and mustard on the second. I turned slightly to the left to get a paper towel and all I saw was this blur. What an athlete. Here came SunfireDoos were looking at each other like "Oooh is he in trouble". None of them have ever stolen any food while I was right there before. Well there was one time that Mira snagged a chip from my plate and ate it joyfully while looking at me like "you end want it back now that I've slobbered on it??" But we all know that Mira "ain't quite right".
After about 30 minutes I let him out again. They don't remember what they've done at that point. Of course all the other Doos were right there to remind him. I was working at the computer and here comes Sunfire sidling up to me with this look of total regret on his face or maybe it was fear of death. Anyway, he is tentatively mouthing my elbow very gently and I turn to look at him and say' "what?". Now the dogs and I have conversations all the time. They have very expressive faces and I talk and make up what they are saying, but somehow it always seems pretty close. He looked at me with total love on his face as if to say "I love you mom". I replied, "you ate my hamburger". His response surprised me, he said "No, I didn't it wasn't me". I replied that I saw him and he told me his version of the theft. He said that as he was sitting there being a good boy, not trying to drag mama away, and this other dog ran past him and stole the hamburger and ran into his crate. He told me that the other dog looks just like him and that maybe it was Sunny. Nice try but Sunny had been in his crate, He then told me the other dog's name was Sunfire, too. Now that was stretching it a little. I said, okay, let me get this straight, there is another dog in this house who looks just like you and his name is also Sunfire? All the Doos were agreeing. I could hear in the background murmurs and whispers of "the bad dog". Now the "bad dog" was a fictional dog that lived with us when the Doos were all younger and would do bad stuff and then the Doos would get blamed for it. Every bad thing that happened was because of "the bad dog". We hadn't seem him around for awhile, I just assumed he got bored and moved on. But evidently, "HE'S BACK!" I looked at Sunfire and said "right!", at which prompt he grabbed my arm with his paws, yanked a hunk of hair on my head and tried to pull me out of my chair. He did calm down a little when I threatened to kill him first and then go looking for the bad dog.
Alright, I know this is long and it's going to get longer, so either come back to it later or go pee now. For those of you who are troopers and will staunchly carry on, let's go. Because of the incident with Sunfire bowling over Lotto, she now goes out with Sunny when he goes. This works out good for her because he goes for long walks or runs and usually comes back an hour or so later. Sunny used to go out with Mira but that's like letting 2 psychos out together and they just fed off of each other. Now Mira goes out with Sunfire, Riggins and Siren. The three of them keep her in check, not that it does any good. Her latest thing is to go up to the Yorkies storm door and and do the crazy dog thing while they in turn snarl and bark at her feeling safe because of the door. God help us if that door ever gives way, there will be some shittin and gittin Yorkies with the Tasmanian devil in hot pursuit.
Sunny has always been very protective of Lotto and usually they hang around together and have for all their lives together. At first it was a wonderful love story, like Pongo and Perdita in 101 Dalmatians but 3 litters later and several years it's become more like Fred and Ethel Mertz in I Love Lucy. Like I said, we have conversations. They do too, especially Sunny and Lotto. They hang out together on the bed or where ever and you can hear them grumbling at each other and then an occasional lip lift and finally one will turn their back on the other. The day after the burger incident they had been out together and here comes Sunny galloping up the drive without Lotto. So here he comes all smiles and prancing. He gets about 20 feet from me and I ask him, "where's Lotto?". Now he does know what this means. He stops and gives me a look that says "Who's Lotto?" I tell him she's that short pudgy little female Dalmatian that you left with. He starts looking around and then sticks his nose in the air and after a second he takes back off in the direction he came from. About 2 minutes later, Both Lotto and Sunny come trotting up the drive. I'm fussing at Sunny on the way into the yard that he shouldn't just leave Lotto that she could get lost or something bad could happen. Later on, the two of them are hanging out on the bed and your can hear them begin to talk. Sunny asked Lotto where she had been when he came home. He said "one minute you were there and the second you're gone". She told him that she had been right where he left her when he ran off. He asked her what had happened the other day with Sunfire and the burger, so she filled him in but when she got to the "bad dog" part Sunny let out one loud bark which translates to "Bulls_ _t!, and she believed him!!" Lotto shrugged. Sunny said "that's why I hate that little asshole, he gets away with everything". Lotto replied "He's your son" and Sunny said, "Don't start again!" After a few moments of silence, Sunny said "You know, we're gonna have to start looking after that one". Lotto asked, "Sunfire?" and Sunny said, "No, the old one, she gets crazier every day. Did you hear her out there hollering when the asshole knocked you down, like you're supposed to understand MOVE and now this bad dog BS". Lotto said, "She's your human, you take care of her". Sunny said, "wait a minute, you were here before I was". Lottie shrugged and said "someday, she's going to go out with you and your going to leave HER someplace and then she will be gone and who's gonna hunt for kibble then, you??, you couldn't hunt down a lame Yorkie!". Sunny gave her an indignant look and said, "Kiss my spotted ass". Lotto gave him a disgusted look and replied "pick the spot you're all ass, no pun intended". At that point there was a little bit of lip lifting and a very quiet growl. Lotto turned facing away from Sunny with her butt close to his face and farts....
I forgot Lotto.......
In my mama dog tribute, I forgot about Lotto in my haste to publish. Please don't tell Lotto, she'll send Mira after me and we all know what a nasty little ankle biter she is. Okay, Lotto is the mother of all the Doo's with the exception of Sunfire whose aunt is also his mother and yes that was a planned breeding. Lotto still thinks he's hers though, she thinks any group or single puppies who come in this house must be her's because she's never seen anyone else in the house deliver pups so by default they must be hers.
Lotto's first litter was an experience. As with most first time mothers, she wasn't sure what was going on with that first puppy but Mother Nature soon kicks in and she was delivering those pups like she had done this all her life. Now Lotto is a fairly calm dog and usually isn't in a huge rush to do anything except go for a ride or eat cookies and this carried over to whelping (birthin' pups). There was at least an hour between pups and 5 hours between the next to the last puppy and Riggins. Riggins was born in his own good time and has done everything else in his own good time ever since and dancing to his own music.
Sunny, who is the puppy's father was facinated by them and wanted to spend all his time with them in the whelping box. Of course that didn't go over well with Lotto and she would chase him away and bite him on his nose. That's a dominance thing with Lotto, when she wants to exert her place with anyone else she bites them on the nose. She even does that to me, but she doesn't bite down, just holds my nose in her mouth.
At some time during the first week of the pups life, Sunny hatched a plan to steal one of the pups for himself. He waited until Lotto went out for a potty break and went into the room that the puppies box was in. I saw him come out with something in his mouth and run into his crate facing the back. He opened his mouth and very gently let a puppy out and licked it and then laid his head down on it when Lotto came back. He definately underestimated Lotto's ability to count. She went into the room, came flying back out ran straight to his crate climbed in snarled and bit him on the head, took her puppy in her mouth and took it back to her box. After about 20 seconds, long enough to determine the pup was alright, she came tearing back and into Sunny's crate and tore him a new a_ _hole!! Sunny has never tried to steal another pup since.
As I said before, Lotto seems to think that whenever a pup or litter comes in the house, they must be hers. This has led to some amusing incidents. During my time working with Dal rescue, I've even fostered some litters or individual pups. Now all the other Doo's seem to get it, these little guys are here to stay until they are old enough to be adopted. Not Lotto. The scene usually goes like this. I will bring the litter or singleton home and set them up in a whelping box or a puppy playpen. At some point Lotto will come to see what I am doing and she always has this suprised look on her face. She will look at the pup(s) then at me then the pups and back at me etc. etc. I will hold the pup near her to let her sniff it and she will and usually lick it too. At sometime during the next hour she decides that these (this) pup is hers and takes up the roll of "mom". She doesn't nurse them but will hang out if they are bottle fed if need be. She will keep them clean, safe and let them run all over her and stay with them. I'm not sure if she really thinks they are hers or if she understands that she is a foster but she is a good mom anyway.
Now in the case of Sunfire, he came home at 4 months old. She treated him as if he was one of her pups and swhortly after, let him know his "puppy pass" had expired. She still treats him as she does Riggins, Siren and Mira and he treats her the way they do, with a lot of respect. If you could have seen her tear into Sunny over that pup, you would understand where Mira gets it from. Lottie is my all time favorite mother dog. She stays calm (except for that one case) and never gets her fur ruffled by a litter of pups. That's like giving birth to 6 to 8 kids at one time and raising them by yourself, NO thanks.....
Lotto's first litter was an experience. As with most first time mothers, she wasn't sure what was going on with that first puppy but Mother Nature soon kicks in and she was delivering those pups like she had done this all her life. Now Lotto is a fairly calm dog and usually isn't in a huge rush to do anything except go for a ride or eat cookies and this carried over to whelping (birthin' pups). There was at least an hour between pups and 5 hours between the next to the last puppy and Riggins. Riggins was born in his own good time and has done everything else in his own good time ever since and dancing to his own music.
Sunny, who is the puppy's father was facinated by them and wanted to spend all his time with them in the whelping box. Of course that didn't go over well with Lotto and she would chase him away and bite him on his nose. That's a dominance thing with Lotto, when she wants to exert her place with anyone else she bites them on the nose. She even does that to me, but she doesn't bite down, just holds my nose in her mouth.
At some time during the first week of the pups life, Sunny hatched a plan to steal one of the pups for himself. He waited until Lotto went out for a potty break and went into the room that the puppies box was in. I saw him come out with something in his mouth and run into his crate facing the back. He opened his mouth and very gently let a puppy out and licked it and then laid his head down on it when Lotto came back. He definately underestimated Lotto's ability to count. She went into the room, came flying back out ran straight to his crate climbed in snarled and bit him on the head, took her puppy in her mouth and took it back to her box. After about 20 seconds, long enough to determine the pup was alright, she came tearing back and into Sunny's crate and tore him a new a_ _hole!! Sunny has never tried to steal another pup since.
As I said before, Lotto seems to think that whenever a pup or litter comes in the house, they must be hers. This has led to some amusing incidents. During my time working with Dal rescue, I've even fostered some litters or individual pups. Now all the other Doo's seem to get it, these little guys are here to stay until they are old enough to be adopted. Not Lotto. The scene usually goes like this. I will bring the litter or singleton home and set them up in a whelping box or a puppy playpen. At some point Lotto will come to see what I am doing and she always has this suprised look on her face. She will look at the pup(s) then at me then the pups and back at me etc. etc. I will hold the pup near her to let her sniff it and she will and usually lick it too. At sometime during the next hour she decides that these (this) pup is hers and takes up the roll of "mom". She doesn't nurse them but will hang out if they are bottle fed if need be. She will keep them clean, safe and let them run all over her and stay with them. I'm not sure if she really thinks they are hers or if she understands that she is a foster but she is a good mom anyway.
Now in the case of Sunfire, he came home at 4 months old. She treated him as if he was one of her pups and swhortly after, let him know his "puppy pass" had expired. She still treats him as she does Riggins, Siren and Mira and he treats her the way they do, with a lot of respect. If you could have seen her tear into Sunny over that pup, you would understand where Mira gets it from. Lottie is my all time favorite mother dog. She stays calm (except for that one case) and never gets her fur ruffled by a litter of pups. That's like giving birth to 6 to 8 kids at one time and raising them by yourself, NO thanks.....
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