.......and the rabbit done died!

Life around here just keeps getting funner and funner! The weather has been intolerable. As Mathew Broderick said in Biloxi Blues, "This is hot, this is Africa hot, Tarzan couldn’t stand this hot! Let me tell you how hot it is, the Yorkies won't come outside to bark. Of course they are Yorkies, have a lot of hair, are very short and could drown in a shallow puddle and wouldn't want to get their ribbons wet. Nothing stops the Doos from running amok, except of course rain. God forbid they should get a paw wet! I've told them over and over that they have nothing to worry about, they aren't sugar which would melt but poop floats. I didn't use the word poop but I'm trying to watch my language. I think I heard Mira bark a "bad word".

We had a death in the neighborhood. I told you that besides Yorkies and the big lab, the neighbors have rabbits and none of them are neutered so they have an ever changing population. Well I heard from Donny that one of the rabbits kicked the bucket. It was one of the older rabbits I was kind of hoping it was that bad tempered one that throws her dish. She's a real Diva or so she thinks. For crap sakes she is a RABBIT no rabbit is a Diva. Anyway, they had a funeral for the rabbit and buried it. They buried it on the hill on the side of my house which the little girl informed me is where they bury all the dead rabbits. Gee thanks!! My first thought was I wonder how long it will take one of the dogs to dig it up and drag it home. That what we really need on a hot humid day, a dead rotting rabbit, yeah that’s the ticket!

I always let the second shift out in the morning after Sunny and Lotto have been out tooling around peeing on everything and crapping in the neighbor’s yard. I know, I know, but they bury dead animals in my yard!! There is some sense of justice. So anyway the second shift goes out. This is comprised of Riggins, Siren, Mira and Sunfire. Usually Riggins comes right back and starts tattling on the other dogs. He is such a butt kisser! Today he didn’t and I stepped out on the front porch and see him and Sunfire and Mira all looking at Siren who has something and is eating it. I take a good look (they are about 30’ away). I put on my glasses like that was going to help. I saw something white and furry and just knew it was a rabbit. I went back inside and put on some clothes and by this time the dead thing had changed owners and Sunfire had it. I managed to call him to me and of course he ignored me so I went up to him and the battle began. It was indeed a headless bunny. I don’t know why they insist on decapitating their kill but it must be some reason, it tastes best, they don’t want the thing to come alive again, it’s a religious thing, who knows. I saw that it was a good sized bunny but it was a domestic rabbit. I tried to wrestle the thing from Sunfire but he wasn’t giving it up he looked at me as if to say, get your own rabbit, this one is mine. He had quite a grip on it and I tried to pull his jaws apart and all he did was drool on my hand and bite down harder. I almost lost a finger on that. Then he took off with the rest of the pack behind him. I thought “oh great, they are going to play keep the dead rotting carcass away from mom” or better yet “pass the dead rotting carcass”. I finally grabbed him by the back of his neck and dragged him onto the front porch. I won’t delight you with all the gory details of the condition of the said rabbit. I decided if I was ever going to get that thing away from him I was going to have to suffocate him so I pinched off his nose and lips and waited for him to open his mouth and take a breathe and almost lost a hand the first time. Never one to say die (no pun intended) I tried it again and was quick enough to grab it when he took a breath. Okay, mission accomplished! I went and got all the wild beasts in their crates and took a pair of gloves picked up what was left of the bunny and double bagged it. I started to think. Okay now if this bunny died, what did it die of?? I went and looked at the rabbit and noticed a very large pair of balls attached to this rabbit. The one that died was a female. OOOkay. I took the rabbit over to the neighbors and asked if they were missing a rabbit. They said it was probably the one that died and then I told them that this was a boy. They went inside and OMG there was one missing, the big male!! All kind of thoughts were going through my head like how did the dog get inside, get the rabbit and get back out and knowing the Doos like I do there would have been carnage. After a short investigation they found that the cage wasn’t latched. This rabbit got out through the Yorkie doggy door and had plans to have a good time outside. As Dr King said, “Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I’m free at last!” Now the only thing this rabbit knew about dogs was that it was bigger than the little furry yappers, no worry. I can just see it, there he was grazing in the sweet fresh grass when he suddenly went to rabbit heaven via a white and black tornado. I believe the tornado’s name was Siren. Dogs won’t share their catch until they are done with it or the alpha dog wants it, so Siren is awarded the kill. Siren 1, rabbit 0. I was going to ask them why they don’t bury the dead rabbits on their own side of the creek, but I didn’t think this was a good time for it.

In other news, Riggins was awarded the “Stinker of the week” award. Usually Riggins is a pretty good guy. He likes to boss around Sunfire and sniff Mira a lot but he doesn’t usually get into too much trouble. He has a really important place in the pack as Sunny’s back up, second in charge and he helps get the food too. Well everybody has been getting on each others nerves with this heat and everybody being inside. I have a couple of flyswatters that I keep handy, to swat flies and dogs when I want their attention. Last week Sunny was loudly washing his woo-woo. It sounded like he was enjoying a meal from KFC. The slurping and licking was LOUD. Anyway, I said “Sunny, knock it off”. Of course he ignored me. His take on this is “this is my woo-woo and I’ll lick it all I want, you won’t lick it for me”. I took the flyswatter and swatted him on the butt with it. He turned very indignantly and gave me a low growl. Not the kind of he’s going to bite me growl, more the kind of how dare you swat me, I’m the king don’t you know that growl. I gave him another swat and he copped a very uppity attitude and went to lay down on my bed. I told you what a suck up Riggins is. If Sunny ever stops quickly, we’re going to be taking them both to the vet to get Riggins head removed from Sunny’s ass. Okay, fast forward about an hour. I’m sitting here working at the computer and in comes Riggins he has the flyswatter all chewed up with large pieces missing. He has this thing by the handle and come and drops it at my feet. I swear he was saying “guess you won’t be swatting any more dogs with this, will you”. What he didn’t know but quickly found out was that I had 2 flyswatters……