I mentioned Maslan Ofman (I'm not sure about the spelling but if you see my friend Joni ask her, she is up on stuff like that). Speaking of Joni, one night we were at her house drinking wine and surfing the alternative websites and came upon a post about Ms Ofman. It stated that she was employed by the UN in the position of "Ambassador of Interplanetary Relations". In other words, she is the welcome wagon lady for any aliens who happen to drop by the hood. When you were a kid, do you remember drinking milk and some other kid would say something outrageous and you would spit milk out your nose? Well this was one of those moments except it was wine. We started to dig through some posts that people had created and the more we read and the more wine we drank the funnier it got. It seems that the United Nations, who is located in New York so guess who is paying the tab for this, decided that just in case some aliens decided to make a neighborly (or not) call to say "Hi", we needed an official greeter. Now this woman is no slouch, she has a PhD from some university in India,. Now is that prestigious or what! Anyway, her job is basically to hang out and wait for the aliens and then if they are friendly she will show them around New York City and maybe get them good seats at a play on Broadway. I made up the part about showing them around, nobody ever said what her job was beyond greeting them. Now the question came to us during this wine drinking and laughing, exactly how do you apply for this job? How much does it pay and what qualifications you need to be considered. Now we all agree that this is the lamest job on the face of the planet. There was no hoop-de-do when she took that office and exactly where is Hilary Clinton in all this??
After thinking about this for awhile I gathered a few thoughts on this. First off, it would take some ungodly amount of time for the aliens to get here, something like 85 million years to get here. Secondly, if they are so technologically savvy that they can get here what can we offer them? Brings to mind an old Twilight Zone where the aliens landed and had a big book called "Serving Man". They got all these people to get on a space ship headed to their home planet and then you found out that the book was really a cookbook. Get it, Serving Man? Besides us being intellectually amoebas next to them, why would they pick this place to come to? What, not enough pollution and war on their own planet? Maybe this would be like some primitive amusement park. Besides which can you see them landing and trotting down Fifth Avenue asking, where do I find Maslan Ofman? So lets see how this works out. We have people starving and disease is spreading and governments are collapsing and we don't have money for any of that but I'd like to see the check Dr Ofman gets on payday.Bet she makes a lot more than a Walmart greeter and they actually have to greet people.
Okay, if some of you do some research on her and find out more info, let me know and I'll post it. Or better yet, post it in the comments section so we all can enjoy it. You should be able to sleep better tonight knowing that the UN has posted someone on watch so those sneaky aliens can't just glide on in without having to deal with the likes of Maslan...
Life in the Blue Ridge mountains of GA. As seen through the eyes of a pack of Dalmatians and their person.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Happy Birthday Sunman
Yesterday was Sunny's 8th birthday. It sure doesn't seem like 8 years. It seems like just yesterday that he was tearing around destroying everything in his path. Come to think of it, maybe it was yesterday. All kidding aside, it's been a great, but eventful period. I thought I'd entertain you with my favorite story of Sunny. By the way, I want to give a shout out to my daughter-in-law Karri. She is a fan of this blog and I'm a fan of hers, so Hi Karri!
Oh, I should also tell you that the Sunny vs. pig thing has escalated to a new level. I told you that I say hi to the pig whenever I see her and she has been watching me through the pen and has been giving me the stink eye. She never mumbles a snort but I know a bad look when I see one. Today, Sunny and I went for our walk, or should I say drag. Anyway we are moving along and I'm hollering at Sunny to be "easy" and he is straining at the lead and it's raining hard. Well,I look over and don't see the pig. Pigs are supposed to be fairly smart. So this pig was out of the rain, Of course she could have used a good shower but what the hey. Any way as I look over, this pig comes running out from the porch, that's where her pen is. Now to say a pig is running doesn't quite describe it. She has this big head, very heavy body and short legs and looks like fat lady in spandex running after an ice cream truck. So she gets up to the fence and start snorting at Sunny. I don't know what she was saying but it didn't sit right with Sunny and he damned near dragged us both in the creek.
This pig now has Sunny's full attention and he is barking at her, a very serious bark and she's snorting at him. I get the feeling that they were playing the dozens. For those of you not skilled in playing the dozens it's a verbal game where one person says a "your mama" and the other tries to top him and it goes on. Like "your mama's so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around the house" and a rebut would be, "your sister's so ugly they got to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her" etc., etc, etc. This thing between them is getting nasty. But as I told Sunny, hang on, she may be in your dinner bowl some day.
Okay, back to happy birthday Sunny. The first time I saw him was at a conformation class. Now don't confuse that with Confirmation. The first teaches a dog and handler how to show in a show ring, the other is when the bishop get to smack you for no good reason. I have stories about that too, but that will have to wait. Anyway there was this handsome little black and white Dalmatian pup with a big black heart shaped nose. I fell in love with him right then. That was also how I met my good friend Julia. She owned Sunny. I bugged her and bugged her until she agreed to let me have him. then the fun began. He was and is a true piece of work. He was into everything, nosiest damn dog you ever seen. His preferred place to sit was on top of a persons head or on the dining room table. That's right, we called him Sunny the hat. he would lay on your head with paws dangling on four corners. Depending on what direction he was facing, the scenery could be less than desirable. He grew from that to laying around your neck like a mink stole, if minks were black and white. He always did like to wear clothes and he still has a visor that is red with cowboy boots on it. He loves that hat. Sunny has had many nicknames and after Sunny the hat, came Sunny the pantyPanty King".
Well, it's late and it's time for all good seniors to be in their beds. It dawned on me recently, that I hadn't told you about the pig's sidekick and some inside lowdown from a reputable source (the pig's owner) about the pig's background. I also haven't discussed Maslan Ofman. Now this has absolutely nothing to do with living out in the boonies but this is someone you should be aware of. Okay til next time......
Oh, I should also tell you that the Sunny vs. pig thing has escalated to a new level. I told you that I say hi to the pig whenever I see her and she has been watching me through the pen and has been giving me the stink eye. She never mumbles a snort but I know a bad look when I see one. Today, Sunny and I went for our walk, or should I say drag. Anyway we are moving along and I'm hollering at Sunny to be "easy" and he is straining at the lead and it's raining hard. Well,I look over and don't see the pig. Pigs are supposed to be fairly smart. So this pig was out of the rain, Of course she could have used a good shower but what the hey. Any way as I look over, this pig comes running out from the porch, that's where her pen is. Now to say a pig is running doesn't quite describe it. She has this big head, very heavy body and short legs and looks like fat lady in spandex running after an ice cream truck. So she gets up to the fence and start snorting at Sunny. I don't know what she was saying but it didn't sit right with Sunny and he damned near dragged us both in the creek.
This pig now has Sunny's full attention and he is barking at her, a very serious bark and she's snorting at him. I get the feeling that they were playing the dozens. For those of you not skilled in playing the dozens it's a verbal game where one person says a "your mama" and the other tries to top him and it goes on. Like "your mama's so fat when she sits around the house, she sits around the house" and a rebut would be, "your sister's so ugly they got to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her" etc., etc, etc. This thing between them is getting nasty. But as I told Sunny, hang on, she may be in your dinner bowl some day.
Okay, back to happy birthday Sunny. The first time I saw him was at a conformation class. Now don't confuse that with Confirmation. The first teaches a dog and handler how to show in a show ring, the other is when the bishop get to smack you for no good reason. I have stories about that too, but that will have to wait. Anyway there was this handsome little black and white Dalmatian pup with a big black heart shaped nose. I fell in love with him right then. That was also how I met my good friend Julia. She owned Sunny. I bugged her and bugged her until she agreed to let me have him. then the fun began. He was and is a true piece of work. He was into everything, nosiest damn dog you ever seen. His preferred place to sit was on top of a persons head or on the dining room table. That's right, we called him Sunny the hat. he would lay on your head with paws dangling on four corners. Depending on what direction he was facing, the scenery could be less than desirable. He grew from that to laying around your neck like a mink stole, if minks were black and white. He always did like to wear clothes and he still has a visor that is red with cowboy boots on it. He loves that hat. Sunny has had many nicknames and after Sunny the hat, came Sunny the pantyPanty King".
Well, it's late and it's time for all good seniors to be in their beds. It dawned on me recently, that I hadn't told you about the pig's sidekick and some inside lowdown from a reputable source (the pig's owner) about the pig's background. I also haven't discussed Maslan Ofman. Now this has absolutely nothing to do with living out in the boonies but this is someone you should be aware of. Okay til next time......
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