Dem bones......

Bones come in all shapes and sizes. For example my bones are old and fragile and I have a tendency to obsess over them. We've already discussed this, see a few posts back. My little neighbor, who lives with the Yorkie thugs and the "pig", could fall off the side of a mountain and merely get dusty. Myself, I could trip over a leaf and windup in a rehab facility for years after which it's the county home. Anyway (I use "anyway " a lot too did you notice that?) the bones we're going to discuss are rawhide rolls. If you have a big dog, or even a Yorkie, you are probably familiar with rawhide products. If you are not, count yourself lucky and get a fish for a friend. Last I heard, fish don't require treats which get all slobbery and gooey. Rawhide is my Doos favorite treat.

Now we need to discuss the shape of the rawhide treat, that's  a very important thing to a dog and some favor one kind and some another. They come in several shapes and sizes. First there is the "chip" which is good for puppies and small dogs. It is a piece of cured rawhide cut into small uneven shapes. My dogs go through a chip in zero time flat. You don't even get the bag closed and their looking at you like, "well where's the treat". It's an exercise in futility to even think about giving them one. 

The second most common shape is a "bone" which is a piece of rawhide rolled and tied into knots on the ends. My Doos aren't fans of this type of rawhide. Every one  of them will chew on the rolled part but will leave the knots on the ends. I'm thinking it's genetic since they are all related, or maybe a weird religious rite of some sort. Possibly it's involved in some voodoo curse upon Yorkies, but it couldn't be that they have been doing this all their lives. I give up, all I know is I will buy a large expensive bag of "bones" and wind up tripping and falling over the knots. Those of you who have had experience with this type of bone will tell you those damn things hurt when you step on one. This also has the effect of me yelling and making remarks as to who their father is and the state of their mother's morals. Let me tell you, I know their mother and she is the one who started this weird habit. I also know their fathers personally one of whom lives with us.

 That leaves the "retriever roll". This is a piece of rawhide rolled with no knots on the end. The Doos go crazy over these. This is where the story begins. Dogs are like kids in that you can't give one a treat and not the  other. The reason being that the kid who doesn't get anything with drive you nuts with their crying and when that doesn't work the will steal the treat from the kid you gave one to. So when I pass out a retriever roll, which acts just like a pacifier. I have to have one for everyone. I always know we are in for an interesting time.

I think at this point I need to describe to those of you with non-bone eating companions what the consumption of a bone entails. If you have a weak stomach you might want to skip this part. First there is the proper way to hold the bone. This consists of holding it between the paws and one end is slightly elevated for proper chewing height. The dog then gnaws on the end therefore rehydrating the rawhide which is now a gooey sticky mess with dog slobber on it. Dog slobber is one of those unnatural substances which sticks to objects like glue. You think you have washed it off, but when it drys there is always more slobber! I can;t even imagine when you give a bone to one of those big dogs that drool all the time. (YUCK!!). Dogs also like to take their bones with them when they go somewhere like outside (to bury it) or to drag it through mud or God forbid poop! To them it's like putting mustard on a hot dog, just tastes better. I will wash off a dirty bone, but I draw the line at poop. My dogs also have a technique for eating. they like to chew both ends so now the whole things is a wet slobbery mess.

Every dog know that what the other dog has is better than theirs. That is a died in the wool fact and that works with kids too. Raising dogs and raising kids is pretty much the same thing. So if you really messed up your kids, don't get a dog! Anyway, I digress. When I hand out bones there are two types of responses one of which is "gimme, gimme, gimme", the other is "why do you bother when you know he/she will just take it from me". And the comedy of errors begin. Yesterday, I handed out retriever rolls, I've finally learned my lesson about the knots on the ends of the other type. As usual we have the ones drooling in anticipation. that would be Lotto, Siren and Sunny. then I offer one to the other three, Mira, Riggins and Sunfire. Some don't get but a few steps before they are relieved of their bone. Some will go to a dog bed of which we have a few lying around. Others will head for a crate. Lotto and Siren (like mother like daughter) are the best of the bone snatchers. They will hide their bones and go out pilfering another dog's bone. The funniest part of all this is that while they are out on a mission, someone else is stealing their bones. With in a half hour no one has their original bone and some have a few while others have none. 

Their  method of hiding bones is highly developed and they have really honed their skills. For instance, when Sunny was a young dog and he would travel to shows he was always in fear that one of the older dogs in the hotel room would steal his bone. He developed two methods of bone hiding. the first was to hide it under my pillow. He would sneak it up on the bed and casually lay it in front of my pillow and then just as casually using his nose, stuff it under the pillow. When this quit working because the other dogs soon caught on he came up with the coup de gras. He would hide it under my butt. Now talk about a surprise the first time he did it I thought he was coming up to cuddle, but oh no. I felt this bone next to me and the next thing I know he is trying to stuff it under me which you can imagine did not go well. I soon learned to lift a cheek when he would come around with a bone. Of course he doesn't do that anymore, he is head dog and God help anyone who would try to take his bone. That of course doesn't include Mira who for some reason he lets do anything she wants and Lotto who would kick the crap out of him if he tries. Lotto has the coolest method of heisting a bone.She merely walks by and takes it from someone. No muss, no fuss, no bother. At the end of a day of bone wars I always think "I will never give them another bone" but then I think how lucky I am to not have to dodge bone knobs. Until next time, watch where you step......